How Very Interesting

A while ago I stumbled across this website.

I don't know how exactly - some link from here to there and back again, I'm sure.

It intrigued me though - certain aspects of this website, these ideas, this philosophy.

Little bits of truth that are out there in the universe, that we all intrinsically know or could know. And usually, at some point or another (and some more often than others) need a reminder of.

So I signed up, figuring what was the worst? They sell my email and I delete myself from their email list and block any spam mail? It's happened before, and I'm sure it'll happen again. The next morning - what did I find? Another email in my inbox. Except this one had a sort of unusual sender - 'cause it was, from, you know, THE UNIVERSE.

So I started getting emails - and I could have sworn that someone was crawling into my brain while I slept, figuring out what I needed to hear..what I needed to be reminded of - and then sending me that info in a nicely worded email every morning.

Here's a few of my favourites - that have always seemed to have something to do with what I'm thinking at the current second, and just..fit.



_________________________




The ease of change, Erin, is directly proportional to one's willingness to reconsider what's best for themselves.

I say let it be easy -
The Universe


_________________________



Somewhere, over the rainbow, Erin, there's a world where birds sing into every night, flowers bloom across every land, each problem has 10,000 solutions, and people live lives only to love and be loved...

Just like under the rainbow.

Ain't life grand?
The Universe


_________________________



One of the coolest things about time and space, Erin, is that it's impossible to kid oneself indefinitely.

Pow,
The Universe


_________________________


One of the many fringe benefits of having sneaky, pushy, and demanding people in your life, Erin, comes when you realize - usually at the end of a long day, deep in thought, with a pot of warm cherry Kool-Aid by your side - that in spite of all the drama, huffing, and puffing, no one can keep you from yours.

Yeah, baby -
The Universe


_________________________



It's one trick, Erin, to manifest exactly what you want.

It's another to bring about something even better.

Leave the door open,
The Universe



_________________________



Erin, you're the only person who knows what's right for you.

The only one.

And if you already know what this is, commit to it. If you don't, commit to nothing.

Only you know,
The Universe


_________________________



You can choose to go, do, be, and have, and in the end you'll exclaim, shocked and bewildered, that because of all the synchronicities of your life, all the "clicks" and "coincidences," and the many happy "accidents," your bounty and good fortune must have been your destiny.

Or, you might choose to wait for a miracle, a savior, or divine intervention, and in the end you'll exclaim, shocked and bewildered, that because of all the synchronicities of your life, all the missed chances and disappointments, and the many unhappy accidents, your lack and misfortune must have been your destiny.

Erin, do you see what the difference is?

It ain't me,
The Universe


_________________________




Of course, Erin, the most deceptive of all illusions is very likely space.

You know, that thing between "here" and "there" that would have you see yourself alone, instead of as the bridge between them. That medium between you and the rest of the world that disguises your role in creating it. You know, that veil through which the physical senses must explore your chiseled secrets.

See? Aliens are the least of your worries...

Phone home,
The Universe

_________________________





It's a rather interesting social experiment...telling people (aka - me) things that - yeah, I already know..but so often either have forgotten, gotten distracted by the millions of other things going on or just avoid trying to think about for one reason or another. Two minutes to read an email and change - even just a little bit. To remember, to try and be better, do better. To remember what life is all about. That I'm in charge of my own life. That it'll all be okay in the end.

AND - they haven't even sold my email address to spammers.

Yet.

Babies & Blogging

So evidentally babies and blogging don't mix.

Yep. That's right - there is FINALLY a new bebe in the hiz-ouse.

And let me tell you..he's basically the cutest thing that has ever lived.

Like, FAR too cute for words.

And he's already a week old today - WHAT?!

People always say that the time goes SO QUICKLY..but seriously?! A week?! How is that possible?!

Life these days is a crazy mix of trying to do a million things at once all the while giving out kisses and cuddles like they're going out of style...and that's what I'm off to do now...a million things at once...and THEN I'll finally get in some good old fashioned cuddles..woohoo!

What's My Age Again?

So yesterday I was all "Let's write a post detailing why I sometimes feel like I'm seven"

Which wasn't actually about why I feel like I'm seven. But more just about why I don't feel like I'm in my mid-twenties and supposedly "grownup"

But then I had to run off to work. Which I suppose IS a grownup thing to do. Except that I only had like..five minutes left to get dressed and brush my teeth..so I ran and brushed my teeth. And pulled on some pants. I hear wearing pants helps to disguise you as a grownup. And then I walked downstairs and suddenly..

SNAP! ZAP! POP!

Which is not to be confused with Snap, Crackle, Pop - which would have been AWESOME.

It was definitely Snap! Zap! POP! that left my neck feeling like it decided to just call it quits.

Like, excruciating pain.

Can't turn your head to check your blind spot kind of pain.

Pretty sure it was my bodys way of laughing at me and going "Ha. You may feel immature and like a little kid and like you're way out in left field in those whole LIFE thang...but just so you know..next time you try to pretend that..I will make your body that of an 87 year old. Sucka"

So now I'm sitting here..alternating between heat and ice...and wondering where the heck I left my A535.

...I hear forgetfulness is (yet another) sign of aging.

Bebe Watch

Baby Watch 2010 is still in full swing 'round these parts..

Sometimes I look at my cousin and all of the sudden I'm like 'WHOA! DUDE! YOUR GONNA HAVE A BABY! LIKE! SOON!'

Except that I (mostly) try to say that kind of stuff in my head. Because she'd PROBABLY thing I was a little nutso. And since her due date is two days away...she's kinda got that crazy pregnant lady look going on. The look where she might kill the next person who says the wrong thing.

You know the one. The one where she's like "HOW WAS THIS POSSIBLY A GOOD IDEA...THIS NEEDS TO BE OVER. NOW."

To say that she's uncomfortable would be an understatement. To say that I'm scarred for life about the idea of having children...would be the opposite. (an overstatement? hrm.) She's been in pain for two weeks. Like, constant 'I can't sleep pain' and her doctor is all 'yeah, sometimes that happens! I'll offer you an induction a week after your due date if the baby still hasn't come!' Plus, she's been having irregular contractions on a regular (not regular enough) base for weeks. I know it's only going to get worse, more painful, more tiring and more EVERYTHING..but I keep trying to reassure her that eventually the baby will be here and she'll forget all about the crappy stuff (that part has to be true, or how else would ANYONE ever decide to have more than one child?!) and luckily for me...her husband is taking more of the 'stop saying stupid things death glares' then I am. Infact, I don't even think that I've gotten ONE yet. Although I'm sure that'll change before the baby comes.

So we're still waiting over here for the little one. Wondering when he'll come. We all keep saying 'TODAY has GOT to be THE DAY' - alas, we are all proven wrong at the end of everyday. I've started using reverse psychology and telling her belly that I don't really WANT the baby to come, and he should stay in there forever and I'm really busy and don't have time to kiss cute little chubby cheeks ANYWAYS.

It's still not working though..

And I feel myself getting closer and closer to pregnant death stares everyday.

Maybe TODAY will be the day.

At least for the death stares.

..The whole baby thing? Yeah...you can't trick me into thinking that it's going to be today.

If Irony Could...Sleep.

I had the last couple of days off...which is nice...except now I have to work in half an hour..and I'm pooped.

Why you may ask?

Well, it's quite simple. I thought it would be a GENIUS idea to stay up a little later than normal perusing the internet, cable tv and other such wonders..because you see..I could SLEEP IN on my days off.

Cue me waking up before 7am BOTH DAYS.

And of course, not being able to even come close to falling back to sleep. All day. Both days.

And then today? The day that I'm going back to work? I press the snooze button on my alarm clock for an hour, drag myself out of bed at 9am and am contemplating holding my eyelids open with toothpicks.

Figures.

One Of THOSE Days

Today was another one of THOSE days.

The days where you try to wake up but can't drag yourself out of bed. One of those days when you can't find the pants you were going to wear, you run out of time for breakfast and you miss your turn even though you know exactly where you're going.

Days where you feel so out of control and just can't handle one more person letting you down. Where you just want to scream because you're so exhausted and just want something, anything to go right.

Days when someone is rude, then someone else is demanding, yet another is arrogant and the final one is greedy, with a side of selfish.

Days when you're convinced that it couldn't possibly get worse...and suddenly it's POURING rain. Not just raining, but a torrential downpour. And despite your best efforts...the water climbs over your ankles and comes at you from every angle. All while you stand under thin tents shivering and wishing you could just crawl into a ball and end today right here and now.

Days when it finally stops raining...and you somehow manage to stub your toe, pull an muscle and hit your head...all while simply trying to turn around.

Days when you set something down and it ends up all over the place. Days when you think that you've come up with a solution and 17 more problems arise. Days when you get annoyed by the smallest things because you lost the end of your rope weeks ago. And days when the largest problems seem impossible to ever correct. Days when you're reminded of how stupid some people are, and how angry they make you. Days when you wonder and second guess decisions and life and all of it's uncertainties..even though you know it's for the best.

That was today.

And then some.

I'm in dire need of some sleep.

A girls night with some lovies.

And while I'm wishing....might as well take a winning lottery ticket too.

I'll be waiting Universe...anytime you wanna throw me a bone on some of those...that'd be swell.

Home Again, Home Again

Remember when you were a little kid and you played house with your siblings/friends/cousins/random strangers your mom told you to play with and be nice to?

You were so little that you never actually THOUGHT you'd be old enough to own houses, have mortgages, get married and do all of that crazy stuff?

And then suddenly you wake up..

You're almost 25

And your little brother is moving into his first (and let's be honest here, probably only) home.

A real fixer-uper.

But the land? The land is so worth it - a real beauty of a farm...and the house..well...it and it's 100 year old roof...they gots them some mad potential :)

Happy moving weekend to Jenny & Benny (he'll so beat me if he ever finds out that I called him Benny...) and their dog...Penny (Bawhaha) I can't believe that you're old enough to move into your first home.

Let alone begin to believe how old that makes ME.

PS - My SD card is a hater - photos latah

Le Sigh

Today would have been his birthday..

It's hard to look at the number in my phone and not try to call it.

It's hard to know that there will be no more birthday dinners, phone calls or WHATEVER.

Sometimes I build up this wall. I go about my life doing the things that need to be done..and I repress all of the things that make me sad, worried or upset.

And then days like this happen.

Days that are important.

Days I wish things were different.

Days I wish I had magical powers to fix everything.

And you can't help but have a little meltdown, the tears falling freely as you flip through photos.

It's been months, and at times...it still doesn't feel real. Death and I don't get along very well...we have this system set up where I like to make believe that I just haven't seen (fill in the blank) for a while...

But then birthdays, special events or something else happens..

And those walls that were built up so carefully come crumbling down.

Humans are such odd creatures..

Whaaat?!

Sometimes...people confuse the bejeezus outta me.

At the farmers market a little while ago a woman said to me that she was getting hungry because it was lunch time...so I said to that woman something along the lines of "oh, you should check out what's going on over there (while pointing) and grab a free sample..all of the things the chef has made today look really good!"

Because you know, you're hungry...and free samples from a chef from a yummy restaurant...that's cool...isn't it?

Evidentally NOT. Because then this woman decided to tell me her entire medical history.

About how her doctor told her she needed to lower her cholesterol. And her salt intake. And how she had this and this and this wrong and she really had to watch her diet.

I was a little bit perplexed...as the chef was cooking (small) samples of food with fresh, local ingredients...that sounded like a pretty healthy option to me...but alas...I was not her and didn't know all of the particulars of her medical condition...so I smiled and wished her a good day.

A little while later though..she was back.

She was browsing again, and thought that I'd be interested to know that she'd found some lunch from a really nice place and brought it back to the market to enjoy.

I smiled and mmmhmm'd and didn't think much of it..

Until I saw the MCDONALDS bag in her hand.

I...uhh...WHAT?!

You pass up freshly cooked, delicious local food...for MCDONALDS? When you're supposed to be watching your salt intake and your cholesterol???

Really?

No, REALLY?!

Sometimes all you can do is shake your head in disbelief..

I Love Sleep. And Babies. I Love Babies That Love Sleep.

I use to be able to go without sleep.

I use to be able to function on a couple of hours.

I use to be able to pull an all nighter, write an essay on something and then go to class the next day...and then go and hang out with friends after that. And then maybe after a couple of days without sleep...crash into a pile, sleep for a few hours and do it all again.

Getting six hours of sleep was good - eight was fabulous.

If you got eight two days in a row? WOW..fun! There was always something to do and someone to see and papers to write and things to do. Sleep was for the weak...who slept? That's just SILLY. Don't you know that there are millions of ways that you can procrastinate on the internet instead of sleeping? 'Cause there REALLY are.

Now though? Now...I just can't.

As evidenced by my meltdown and subsequent 13+ hours of sleep...I just...cannot handle a lack of sleep anymore.

And that worries me.

Not in a "man, I wish I was young and crazy again" way...because as much fun as it was...oh dear...it actually WAS tiring.

I'm pretty sure I actually spent about four months of last winter catching up on sleep for the last SEVEN to TEN years.

What worries me...is that in TWO WEEKS (give or take) I will be living with a NEWBORN.

And in 5 weeks...I will be living with that newborn with my cousin and NO ONE TO HELP US AND TELL US WHAT TO DO.

Dude. Ima have to be...grownup. And stuff.

That's CRAZY TALK.

Especially because in 7-8 weeks..that newborn will be doing the most crying it does throughout its infancy. True story, I learneded it in my prenatal classes...babes cry the most from weeks 3-8 of life. Also when there are the highest rates of postpartum depression and shaken baby syndrome. Scary.

But yeah. Babies cry a lot.

And I'm not so worried about that. I can deal with that...I'll learn how to deal with that. And they eat a lot..but I can't do a whole bunch to do with that...I can cuddle...and love...and play...I'm good at THOSE things...

But no sleep?

...I'm a little worried about that.

Because if there is one thing I've learned about growing up?

It's that sleep is pretty darn awesome. And that I love it. And that if it was possible...I might even marry it. Me and sleep are BFF's. Our love was a friendship, set on fire...and all that other ridiculous stuff.

Let's hope I can teach this baby to learn from my mistakes and have a love affair with sleep early on....except when I want to cuddle...and kiss his cute little chubby cheeks. He's not even here yet..and already his cute little chubby cheeks have me under his spell. He's gonna have me wrapped around his little finger in no time...Hopefully wrapped around his cute little chubby sleeping finger.

Tomorrow Morning

I'd been obsessively checking facebook waiting to hear news of the arrival of my friend, Bec's, beautiful little girl..and last night my stalking skills paid off and I saw that a couple of people had posted 'CONGRATULATIONS!' posts on her wall.

Cue: Pure excitement!!

I was so pumped and excited for her, and so happy that the wee little one was finally here and she didn't have to play the waiting game anymore.

I told my (still pregnant) cousin that Rebecca's baby had arrived and she was like...oh cute! When was she born? Morning, night, what day, etc.

And that's when it got a little confusing..

Because as it was 9 at night when I heard the news...but that meant that it already well into Monday morning there...and so I had no other option but to tell her that baby Gretta was born...tomorrow morning.

Because now it is yesterday there, and when it happened, it was tomorrow here.

Confused yet?

Oh date lines...how you confuse the heck out of me. Thirteen hours time difference from here to Australia is just way too much to fathom! Especially when there are cute pictures of adoreable little babies for me to stare at! Only another couple weeks (or less!) until we have a new little babe of our own in the house! It's baby central 'round these parts...and everyone is anxiously playing the waiting game!

Semi-Charmed Kinda Life

A lot can happen in a year.

That's probably obvious - but of course I'm going to blab on and tell you all about how 'I know this from experience'.

One year I packed my life into two rather large suitcases and moved to a foreign country. Wherein I was far too often treated like dirt, wherein I learned a lot of things about myself and wherein I traveled so much that my soul soared with happiness.

And one year ago TODAY...I returned to my life as I knew it.

Overall, I learned a lot - about people, about life, about the world and most importantly for me...ABOUT me, the person who I am..and more importantly...the person who I wanted to be.

The year following that crazy year abroad has turned out to be a rollercoaster filled with high high's and low low's. With changes, twists, turns, and extreme variations of exhiliration, saddness, anticipation, excitment and terror of the unknown. Sprinkle in with a bit of insanity, a warm dose of love and a hefty side of hibernation - and you have my year.

I've made a lot of changes in the last year. I've stood up for myself in a lot of different ways. I've purged some things and I've indulged in others. I've smiled, cried and laughed more times than I can count. In a lot of ways, I feel as though the last year has been a little bit of that 'one step forward, two steps back' mentality. I've done things that I wanted to do, need to do..for me...for the first time in a long time. For the first time in maybe FOREVER....But at other times, I've slipped back into that old comfortable routine, or I've questioned everything and wondered if I'm doing the right thing or not.

In a lot of ways, it was easier to be the person who I wanted to be in Switzerland. Not that I'm not the same person...but...it was just...different. I've written about it before - this weird phenomenon where when I left, I left a lot of emotional baggage behind, or rather, the airport seemed to have lost it. Unfortuantly though - when I returned, it was right back there...waiting for me when I got back. Things that bothered me, upset me and hurt me were right there, even though it felt like eons since I had last let those things plague my mind. It was as if there I was able to reinvent myself and my brain just cut out the things that I didn't need to hold on to anymore..and I could just..be ME. I was free to be the person I wanted to be...without any restrictions or emotional baggage.

I had worried of course when thinking about coming home. That things would be different, that things would change...but no one I talked to about this seemed to take these worries seriously. This is no fault of anyones, and I think that this probably happened because they saw me in the same light they always had - how were they supposed to know that some unmeasurable quality was different? Especially when so many other things were exactly the same....

Alas, it really was as if I were staring at one of those 'spot the differences' puzzles - and I was the only one that could see the differences in myself. So blantantly obvious to me, but impossible to spot for everyone else. The longer I was home, the more some of the differences faded and the more I fell into old routines...with this of course came some old bad habits, things that I thought I had left behind. I felt this tremendous urge, this push...to just fall back into old habits and old routines...and the more that happened, the more that scared me. I had changed, grown and become so different - even if it wasn't necessarily measureable or observable to most...I had...and watching that slip through my fingers was frustrating beyond belief. I had made a promise to myself that it was okay for certain things to be the same, to go back...but that there were some things that I couldn't let change. That I had to stand up for myself, things I believed in and things that I wanted. I promised myself that I wouldn't let my own integrity or the things that I wanted out of life be held hostage, simply because they had been in the past. I wanted more, and even worse..I'd had more...and felt it slipping out of my reach. After a while back, I felt as though I'd lost a lot of those things - when that was the biggest thing that I had promised msyelf I wouldn't do.

This is the hardest thing to put into words, because there are simply none. How do you describe an overwhelming peace, happiness and general feeling of acceptance of oneself? And worse yet, how do you try to describe fear of losing that? The act of being physically able to feel the loss? How do you describe the feelings of those things disappeared and your frantic attempts to retrive them? All the while trying to explain that those things have gotten all muddled up and you can't figure out why or how and can't even come close to pinpointing what made life so intrinsically DIFFERENT - or explain how or why you want those feelings back...or even what is now different.

Thus, there has been a lot of reflection of all of the positive things that have happened this year...and of all of the things that I still sit and wonder about. All of the things that have changed because that's the way that life was going, because the pieces of the puzzle just didn't fit anymore, and because that piece that didn't seem like it would ever fit...seemed to just fall into place without any problem at all.

I always wonder though - am I making the right decisions? Am I being true to myself? What if's are bound to always plague my mind....and when I finally accept them...new (or old..) sources remind me of them and make me re-think it all...over and over and over again.

Thankfully, I have some very understanding (and wise) friends, family and confidants that believe in me, that understand, or are at least accepting of these changes and are okay with what is going through my head and (thankfully) remind me to really examine what I'm doing and whether or not I'm doing it for the right reasons..even if they have no idea that they're doing that.

If knowledge is power - then one would assume that I can only go foward from here...

But dude. Ignorance really is bliss...because this knowledge thing..it's a lot of work and thinking and sleepless nights filled with questions, worry and endless thoughts.

There has been a lot of wondering what comes next...where will this next year lead me? How will I change, grow and differ from the last? Will I travel, make new friends, or fall backwards - and land flat on my face? There are so many things I want to do, to be, to have...and I feel like it's taken me the better part of this year to get my head on straight and adjust back to this life and all of the things that come with it. To decipher between all of the things that surround me, and to be selfish and make decisions because that's what I want, what's best for me...all the while attempting to keep some sort of integrity and my own concept of self.

I still can't help but wonder though..what the future has in store for me...

But for now, all I know is that a year ago...I stepped off of a plane...and I walked back into my north american life and left a life of europe behind me. When I returned, I loved a lot of things, yet was scared of others. I kept some promises to myself, and broke a few more than I've kept...but I'm working on it. I've made some changes, but still need to make some more. This year has been an interesting one...one filled with lots of thinking, lots of growth and lots of changes...it's a little bit scary, this whole 'growing up' business...but I'm a little bit excited (in the 'holy cow I might pee myself' kinda way..) to see how it all turns out...

oh blah

This post is brought to you by last nights insomnia followed by a full day of working in the hot sun.

No need to thank me...especially before you read the following incoherant ridiculousness.





So I go through these spurts where I'm like UPDATING! I LOVE UPDATING! BLAH BLAH BLAH RAMBLE RAMBLE RAMBLE LA LA LA SPAAAAAAAAAAARKLES!

And then I work.

And I get drained.

And I have no idea which end is up.

And I'm trying to balance everything.

But instead of balancing I'm juggling everything.

Barely.

Most times, unsucessfully.

And then I sleep.

And sometimes I get grumpy and I stomp my feet and snarl.

Next I'm running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

Always going somewhere...never seeming to get where I need to be or do the things I need to do.

Always someone who wants more, needs more.

Always feeling inadequate about my lack of ability to balance people, places, times, things.


Always feeling sleep deprived.

Always wishing I captured more, lived more, danced more.

Wishing I knew how to make things work.

Wishing I didn't feel like I was flailing about in my attempts at adulthood.

Wishing I could be more, do more.

Wishing life was the same...but different.

Blah.

It's Not Even Halloween

I'm relatively convinced that robots are taking over the world.

You know, in the form of alarm clocks.

If you MUST know...I lost my alarm clock. Well, I didn't really LOSE it...as I took it elsewhere to be used...and then it became a permenant fixture there.

And then I took it somewhere else...and I left it in my car.

And then that alarm clock went and shacked up with someone else.

I know - my alarm clock has an exciting social life. Lucky it.

Wasn't such a big deal...as I've just been using my cellular device for my getting up neccessiities...except that more often than not...I'm flipping back and forth between houses (whilst feeling like I'm living out of my car and/or random bags of clothing I happen to be carting around whilst hoping that someone SOMEWHERE takes pity on my and does my laundry - ps - I love my mom for so many reasons, but doubly for when I show up with a bag of clothing and then it magically all goes POOF and ends up being clean.) and...where was I? Oh right. So I'm living in various houses and this and that and whatever and I have to get up in the morning but OH GOD MY CELLPHONE IS ABOUT TO DIE AND I HAVE NO BATTERY LEFT.

Crap. Yeah - not so good.

Especially when you have an alarm clock with a social life.

So my mom took pity on me and picked me up a new cheap alarm clock so I need not worry about waking up here or carting my cell phone charger between my various locations.

It'd been sitting unused for a while...as for once my cellular device had decided that it didn't hate me and was still charged everytime I needed it...when suddenly LOW BATTERY plagued my poor little cell's screen.

I sighed and resigned myself to setting up my new alarm clock. Exhausted..and not in the mood to press seven million buttons while simultaneously alternating between holding down another three, then six, then four, then nine...I plugged it in and went to go glance at the time to set it correctly.

When I came back though?

It was already set.

To the correct time.

Even the correct am/pm portion.

...Which obviously leads me to one of two conclusions:

1) Alarm clocks are now being programed with robots that know the time and have a pre-set time in which they are going to TAKE OVER THE WORLD

2) Gnomes and/or aliens have infiltrated my living space and are following me around playing tricks on me while I'm not looking to make me think that robots are trying to take over the world so that I become super paranoid about machines and technology and miss seeing the signs that gnomes and/or aliens are plotting to TAKE OVER THE WORLD.

Clearly only bad things can come from this.

Bad, bad things.

Like Aliens. Or gnomes. OR SCARY FLESH EATING ROBOT ALARM CLOCKS.

Football Fanatic

I've never been a huge sports fan.

It's just not really my thang.

Give me a good book (or even a bad one) over the sports channel..preeetty much..yeah..anytime.

That being said...I have gotten a liiiiiiiiittle bit carried away with the world cup.

I know, of ALL sports to get caught up in...soccer? Or rather..football? Really? Whodda thunk it?

I can't really figure out why I'm so caught up with it..since in North America...soccer...is overlooked in a big way.

Perhaps it's because my cousins have spent the last decade following soccer as they haven't lived in North America...and thus have swept me into the craze that is the world cup with them. My one cousin lived in Italy for a few years..and even lived there while Italy won the world cup in 2006. It also doesn't hurt that my other cousin who just moved back lived in South Africa until last year..so the world cup being held there is kind of a big deal for her. That, and that cousin MARRIED a football loving South African...so even if she didn't enjoy the game..she's mostly obligated to watch now

It also doesn't hurt that my aunt flew back from South Africa a couple weeks ago and brought me my very own vuvuzela..official FIFA gear yo. I'm so cool with my vuvuzela. My brother and my dad are definitely better at making theirs be noisy..but I still love mine. Who wouldn't love their own vuvuzela during the world cup?!

I find it all rather exciting though..it's pretty intense.

YELLOW CARD! RED CARD! FREE KICK! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!

Not to mention that it's a CRAZY GAME. It's not like hockey (I'm so un-canadian-ising myself right now...I'll probably be disowned any second now) where the guys are skating around la de daing...no don't get me wrong..still hard..but in football? THESE GUYS RUN UP AND DOWN A GINORMOUS FIELD. FOR AT LEAST NINTY MINUTES. Basically NON STOP.

That's INSANE.

Have you SEEN the size of the field? It's RIDICULOUS.

Hockey players are all "aw man, I've been skating up and down this little dinky rink for 3 minutes, better trade with someone else!" whereas these footballers are all "what, you want me to run the equivilant of a million miles non stop with a broken ankle.....whatevs...pass me the ball yo"

And they do magic tricks with their feet - I mean..really? You did WHAT with a ball and your feet and a huh now? How did you..uhh..do that? How are you not DEAD RIGHT NOW BECAUSE YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIPPED AND FALLEN ON YOUR FACE. I'll just...wait for the instant replay..because that footwork is CRAZY TALK. Not that they don't fall on their faces sometimes..but just the amount of time that they spend upright WHILE doing crazy things with their feet..well..dumbfounds me.

They also take some mad injuries. They get kicked, tripped and ripped apart.

I saw a guy get kicked full on in the chest. WITH CLEATS.

Dude. One word: OW.

The final kicker though?

The thing that makes me love soccer..probably more than anything?

WHO HAS A TEAM THAT HAS AN OCTOPUS THAT (more often than not CORRECTLY) IDENTIFIES WHETHER OR NOT TEAMS WILL WIN?

Soccer does.

Yeah, they do.

Really, after that...there's nothing else to be said.

Except...holy crap..I'm gonna miss the world cup not being on anymore.

Me...missing sports? Weird.

Ridiculous

I'm a pretty big deal. This is probably obvious to anyone who KNOWS me...but just in case you weren't aware..I thought that I'd fill ya in.

So the other day....I had a meltdown. I cried, screamed and wanted to bury myself in a hole and hide.

I was functioning on what felt like virtually no sleep..and didn't want to see or deal with anyone...but because I'm SO AWESOME I did it, and pretended to like it.

Although evidentially I wasn't fooling EVERYONE because I had a few people comment on the fact that I needed to take care of myself and ask if I was okay and etc. etc.

Whoops.

ANYWAYS. So I was minding my own business. Dark circle under my eyes, complemented with puffyness from a lack of sleep and an abundance of tears. Even if I'd been wearing makeup, it wouldn't have lasted through my temper tantrum.

Then I look up and some random guy is shoving a camera in my face (paparazzi WHAAAAAA?) and is asking me questions.

I stutter, say a few random things and look like a fool.

I make a face when he finally decides that he has harassed me enough, and leaves.

I'm so confused.

I mean, I know I'm super fabulous..but WHAT?

I've been interviewed for things before..and they always ASK you if they can interview you, give you a microphone and whatever whatever..so I was like..what the heck..who was this dude? Is the paparrazi ACTUALLY after me?

After contemplating my need for bodyguards, I realized that how horrendous I actually looked and thanked my lucky stars that this couldn't actually be anything real and must have been just some random crazy with a camera.

Alas - not quite so random. Although I'm pretty darn convinced about the crazy...turns out it was a news guy.

Turns out it was a "real interview"

And turns out EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD SAW THIS RIDICULOUS EXCUSE FOR AN INTERVIEW ON TV.

And they were polite enough to go "OOOH! LOOK (FILL IN THE BLANK NAME FOR THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHER) IT'S THAT THERE GIRL FROM THE TELLYVISION!" ever since.

Yep. That's me. The girl from the tellyvision.

So instead of my regular adoring fan base from the commercials, where the old men go "har har har...look..it's the tv star..in the flesh!" or "hey young lady..saw ya on the tv...can I get your autograph..har har har"...I now have extended my fan base outside its regular realm of advertisement lovers.

This is almost as ridiculous as the time that I messed up a take on a special edition news spot and the guy thought it was hilarious and used it on the opening credits of the special edition FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER.

Doh.

At least that time they let me comb my hair before filming. I'm so glad that a copy of this doesn't exist on the internet.

Don't worry, there is no need to look for it..because I checked..it really doesn't exist. If it had of...I probably would have burnt it. Yep. Burned it from the internet. Despite not seeing it...I'm pretty sure that it really WAS that awful. In fact, it was probably so awful that it burned ITSELF and that's why it doesn't exist on the internet. True story, I hear the internet is awesome like that.

Oh - and FYI - I'm mostly back to normal again...as I slept a good 13 hours Wednesday night..and thus..am not a sleep deprived emo mess of yuck.

The Sun'll Come Out...Tomorrow (?)

Sometimes you just have one of those days..

Where you get next to no sleep, and that minimal sleep feels even less than it should be because you toss and turn all night.

Then you get up at an ungodly hour, drive two hours into the blazing hot downtown Toronto core, drop someone off...and drive another two hours back home. Mix in a healthy dose of those hours being infiltrated with idiot drivers and exhaustion wearing at you.

All before nine am.

Then you're so exhausted and so hot because the mercury has decided that it's like Barney from HIMYM's playlist (All rise, Baby) and it's so hot you sweat buckets while you sit.

So you gather up enough energy to move yourself into the pool and feel partly human again. You don't swim, because that would take up precious energy..but you sit in the water and wish you could live there.

You leave the pool because you've turned into a prune and your hair is coated in a disgusting layer of cholrine...but then waves of feeling gross and exhausted plague you once more.

So you drag yourself into your sweltering car to drive home, while trying to keep your eyelids off the floor...swearing that you're going to go to bed ASAP, trying to stay awake right then and there because you're so exhausted...but you're so exhausted, sweaty and your general lack of contentment means that every. little. thing. drives you ABSOLUTELY INSANE.

Arriving at your destination, you crawl into bed swearing that tomorrow will be better, that it always is after a good nights sleep.

You lie in a pool of your own sweat, dreaming of winter and negative temperatures because humans can't be expected to survive in this...

..and suddenly your alarm is going off again.

Another day has began.

You try to convince yourself it will be a better day, but yesterday looms over your head.

And suddenly you're dripping in sweat, throwing things and crying uncontrolably...all before 7am.

Ugh....Happy Wednesday.

Tomorrow has to be better...right?

Summah Time...And The Livin' Is...?

I love summer.

Really, I do.

Last summer..lying poolside overlooking lake Zurich...beautiful.

Bopping from country to country via sketchy trains..fun!

Lying on the beach in Greece without a care in the world? SIGN ME UP.

Summers here? Busy. Lots to do. Stress filled. Anxiety ridden.

There are definitely good things, there are definitely things I love..but there just never seem to be enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done and this summer my patience levels are already running short.

I walked into the house last night and sat down. In the front hallway. I finally crawled (literally) down to my room twenty minutes later. I managed to climb back upstairs and eat something before I lay my head on the table and pretended that I was okay, that I wasn't melting into a ball of exhausted mess. After everyone left, I crawled (again, literally) downstairs and melted into the couch. Where I sat in a zombie like state, half asleep, until I finally crawled (literally) into my bed.

Whoever said 'summertime and the living is easy' never had their busy season during the summertime.

Odd fact though...that songs lyrics are on repeat on my computer right now.

I love Eva Cassidy. And this song...apparently.

Summertime and the living is easy
Fish are jumping and the cotton's high
Your daddys rich and your mamas good looking
So hush little baby, baby, don't you cry

One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky
But till that morning there ain't nothing can harm you
With daddy and mommy, mommy standing by

One of these mornings you're gonna rise up singing
Then you'll spread your wings and you'll take to the sky
But till that morning there ain't nothing can harm you
With daddy and mommy, mommy standing by
So hush little baby, baby don't you cry

Let's hope these lyrics come true. Let's really hope so. Because we're now eight days (?) into summer...and I'm plum exhausted.

Oh What A Day..

Weather warnings suck.

Tornado warnings suck more.

I just hope that the damage isn't too bad...

So tired, so exhausted...should have been in bed hours ago...but instead am glued to the weather network and am freaking myself out thanks to the ridiculous scare factor of any sort of news station.

BLAH!

Even the dogs are behaving...that's got to mean it's bad.

Getting a good nights sleep while the livlihood of..everything...rests in the balance....so not happening. Fun.

Happily Ever After

Today is my parents 39th wedding anniversary.

I KNOW.

THIRTY NINE?!

How is that even POSSIBLE?

I can't even FATHOM thirty-nine years, let alone being married that long.

I don't have much to say about the subject - except...holy crap...that's basically..crazy.

And since I'm just dumbfounded by the fact that they've been married THAT LONG (and subsequently thinking that I'd better throw them a party/get them an awesome present for NEXT year) I'm just going to go in for the win with a photo post. Including
some sweet oldschool photos.

Enjoy!


Then - A hippie wedding! Thirty-nine years ago today! Is it just me...or does it look like they're twelve and playing dressup?!



Then - Were parents even ever allowed to be this young?!



Then - My parents were so cool..they took pregnancy photos where my dad pretended to have a belly too. Foreshadowing...Maybe...haha! :P (Love you Dad!)




Now - hanging out in the gaudi park in Barcelona when they came to Europe to visit me :)



Now - My parents after we climbed a mountain at dawn in South Africa a couple years ago


So - that's that. Thirty nine years, a pile of adventures and stories, two of the best kids ever (I'm so modest.) and they're still together. I have no idea what else one could possibly ask for :)

Happy anniversary Mom & Dad!

They Say Bad Things Happen For A Reason..

I would like to believe in happiness.

I would like to believe that things happen for a reason.

I would like to believe that the world is a place where lollipops and rainbows flourish.

Unfortuantly, I know better.

I read the news - and dude, shit happens. In a big bad way.

Bombs explode, families mourn, sickness plagues, people lose their way.

And I am an emotional person. Often times, I find myself tearing up...getting upset about things that are so far beyond my reach and scope of normality that they effect me even though I cannot even fathom them.

Sometimes they're things that hit closer to home - and they're just upsetting.

Sometimes I just get upset about things - things that aren't in the news, that aren't huge things that change the entire course of...everything.

But because they're a matter of life and death - and death that could be avoided.

It's difficult for me to understand death - I just don't like it. I like to pretend that it doesn't exist. I play make believe and hide from it. I push it out of my mind and pretend that I don't have to deal with it.

In this case - I don't know the girl...I've never met her...and she lives half way around the world from me...I'm linked to her only from brief snippits of stories and words. A few facebook pictures and the odd little wall post. Nothing really..and yet...I can't help but be sad.

People say that bad things happen for a reason - but most times...it's hard to see past the tip of my nose how there could possibly be a reason for such sad things to happen in the world.

So I'm sad. Sad for a life lost far too young when it didn't have to be this way. Sad for her family that now is missing a part. Sad that this is the reality of life. My heart wishes things were different. That things weren't sad. That things could always be happy. It's true that knowledge is power...but in this case...ignorance would really be bliss...because my heart yearns for days when things weren't complicated and sad and heartbreaking...even though I know now that the world is full of these things...both on huge large earth shattering, news making ways...and in quite simple ways that go unnoticed by the vast majority of the people out there.

Despite this...I have to believe in happiness, in rainbows and sunshine dreams filled with lollipops and dancing frolics...because if I don't...I have no idea what the point of anything is anymore...and that is a more scary reality than anything.

Deception

The other day I came into the house to make myself lunch.

I decided that a grilled cheese would be yummy in my tummy...so I put one on to cook.

After making it golden brown and toasted to perfection...I decided to add a few pickles to the side.

Because despite my utter disgust for cucumbers...who doesn't love a good pickle?

I grabbed a jar of bread and butter pickles and scooped out a few for the side of my plate. And then a few more. I don't think you understand how much I love pickles.

So - There I was. Picture it. In the kitchen...about to sit down at the island and eat a lovely lunch of a grilled cheese sandwich with pickles on the side.

I popped a pickle in my mouth - and suddenly...my brain froze.

Like, literally...froze.

I was so confused I didn't know what to do.

I was eating a bread and butter pickle...but...it tasted like...a dill pickle.

I ate another.

Same thing.

I sat staring at my plate for a good minute.

Then smelled the pickle, tentatively took a nibble..and put it back down on my plate in confusion.

I was a little dumbfounded as to what had happened. I was expecting the sweet, yet still pickly taste to hit my tongue...yet all I got was dill pickle. But it was in the completely wrong shape - and thus...my mouth and my brain were in complete and utter chaos.

Upon inspection of the jar which I had placed back in the fridge...evidentally someone had bought 'dill chips' - which LOOKED exactly like bread and butter pickles - except they used a dill pickle base instead of a bread and butter one.

I know - mind boggling.

I dug around in the fridge for some sort of 'NORMAL' pickle - but came up empty handed.

By this time - my lunch break was almost over..so I went back to my sandwich in despair.

What is a girl to do when her pickle doesn't look like it tastes?

The only thing I could think of was to eat them...because again...WHO DOESN'T LOVE PICKLES? I love dill pickles too..but there was just something...wrong..about these pickles. It wasn't the flavour - that's usually fine. And it wasn't the shape - that's usually fine too.

Rather - it was the combination of THAT flavour and THAT shape of pickle...that left my brain and my senses at a loss - and my puppy happy beyond belief...because he got to eat a whole mouthful of pickles that my brain couldn't process.

Oh pickle deception - I never thought this day would come.

Fool me once...shame on you...

Fool me twice? When it comes to pickles? My brain might implode.

Whatcha Doin' Yo

This morning I was all

GOOGLE - WHATCHA DOIN' YO

Instead of my nice, clean cut pretty simple google that was easy and nice - it was this weird, ugly google that was hard to read and made no sense.

Not cool, google. Not cool.

So I was all...man..I gotta google what the heck is going on the google.

So I did. And they're all changing their homepage. Which is weird.

Have I mentioned that I don't like change?

So I'm was all grumpy because google changed their homepage and it's UGLY.

I wanted to break up with google, because SERIOUSLY - how could they DO this to me? ...But of course I'm too busy/lazy/eh to rise up in rebellion when it comes to these things so I just sit by passively until my brain forgets that change has actually occured and the change becomes the norm and you almost forget what it use to be like (can we say: facebook changes? - I remember the days before pokes, before status updates and before facebook applications - I'm oldschool when it comes to facebook.) Although I haven't necessarily EMBRACED all of the changes that happen, I tend to take them in stride and get use to them and forget how facebook us to work...which is what I assumed I would do with google. This is why I'm bad at relationships. Breaking up is hard to do....haha.

I was still being a grumpy sourface until I noticed the little 'remove background image' at the bottom left hand side of my google homepage.

SAWEEEEEEEET. Let's hide change and pretend it doesn't happen I thought to myself!

Until I realised that I could pick from a variety of pretty photos.

OR I COULD MAKE MY GOOGLE PAGE ONE OF MY OWN.

AND CHANGE IT WHENEVER I WANTED.

You know, LIKE MY DESKTOP.

Then, suddenly...I loved google again.

We weren't broken up anymore. Or we wouldn't be broken up if I had had enough guts/motivation/energy to break up with google in the first place.

And I didn't even have to pretend that there were things about my relationship with google that made me angry - because I was staring at a beautiful picture of my cottage everytime I opened a new tab. Love. Love. LOVE.

Google, please forgive me for my momentary lapse in judgement - I knew you were plain old awesome the whole time...I mean...how else would you have been able to go from being a noun to both a noun AND a verb in so little time? If that's not the definition of awesome - well, I don't know what is.

Face + Palm

I've always been that girl that wanted kids...even though the thought sometimes terrifies me....it's something that I just...want.

That being said - I've been going to some fun old prenatal lessons and they're kinda sorta making me SCARED BEYOND BELIEF to ever even THINK about having children.

So far it's been...tame.

Lessons about baby care. Babies 101. How to hold, bathe, and love your baby. Basically.

Then we learned A LOT about breastfeeding. Not all necessarily things you want to hear after a 12 hour day - but the reality of life and things that you kinda need to know if you're having a baby (but wait - I'm...not....? Hrm.)

EITHER WAY - they're both just warmups.

Because this weeks lesson is entitled 'giving birth - realities of childbirth' - WITH VIDEO.

..and I thought I was scared before.

After tomorrow - we'll...we'll just add an extra r and change it to scarred.

Oi.

..wish me luck - and that I get a seat near the door in case I (the girl with the worlds weakest stomach) has to puke.

I joke - I'm sure I'll be okay...right?

The Dunce

As I've written about before, my cousin had to make one of the most difficult decisions ever and put her father into a home.

It was more difficult than you could ever imagine...having to watch someone you love so confused, so upset, so heartbroken - and then there was my cousin feeling the same intense wave of emotions, yet from the completely oppospite perspective.

Although he settled in with such ease that it almost had us dumbfounded - there were definitely still issues.

The biggest one being that he was in a 'secure' ward - locks in, locks out, no way to get out...but it also meant that the people there were REALLY out of it. They HAD to be in the locked unit, they were so completely out of it that we encountered many...crazy situations. He's now been moved - but the people on that floor..the ones who have no idea who THEY are, let alone who I was - are still some of the sweetest people I've ever seen. Sweet - but man, they were FULL of the crazy.

There was one who wandered the halls and would just follow you around - which was pretty normal for that floor.

Then there was Edith who would take my hand, kiss it and try to take me for a walk...and when she wasn't doing this...she would 'patrol' the halls - watching everyone and everything...once she came up to us - asked what we were doing, said 'okay, fine - send it off RIGHT AWAY!' and took off shuffling down the hall.

There were the girls - Katherine and Sadie - who giggled and gossiped with each other and would wander around the halls with their walkers and their purses, discussing where they would go today - 'oh would you like to go to the garden? Or we could watch a movie? Perhaps we should get a cup of tea this afternoon before dinner' etc. etc. and then they'd go and ask what time it was and flitter about doing their daily tasks while wandering around chatting with each other waiting for meal times or bath times or whatever else they were waiting for..

Then there was Irene.

She wandered around trying to cuddle with you, talking or singing to you in a high pitched voice through her missing teeth.

She had my heart - but that could be because whenever she saw me she'd sing "beaaaaaaautiful laaaaaaaaaaaady....i loveeeeeeee the laaaaaaaaaaaaady...what a wonderfuuuuuuul laaaaaaaaaaaady...i loveeeeeee the laaaaaaaaaaaady' while she took my hand and tried to get me to go somewhere, anywhere with her...haha

But one day...I was standing in the hall with my friend Jenn, minding my own business...waiting for my cousin and uncle to catch up with me as we were taking him out for the afternoon...and this woman in a wheel chair who I had never heard say ANYTHING even when she was asked questions or spoken to comes up and looks at us and then exclaims "you're just standing around like a bunch of dunces...dunce dunce dunce...why are you standing around like a big old dunce'

And then rolled off and about as if nothing ever happened...while we stood there wondering what the heck had happened...and what exactly a dunce stood like.

Oh the special care floor...what a bunch of characters.

Love Hate Relationships

I have a big, bold statement to put out there into the world of the internets.

Yeah.

I know.

Me, taking a stand for something, anything. Whodda THUNK it?

Not me. Or probably you. Or you over there sitting in the corner...you know you wouldn't have. Seriously, just admit it.

Anyways - here is my big, bold statement.

I. Dislike. Pie.

....

....

....

Okay. The screams of horror need to end.

I know some people make valid arguments. Take for instance The Scientific Approach written over at Hyperbole and a Half.

Yeah.

Those would be some darn convincing arguments.

Can't argue with science dude.

Except....that...I do.

It's true...I cannot tell a lie...99% of the time...I don't enjoy pie.

Not because I don't enjoy delicious fruit filling - because I DO....it makes my heart AND my tummy happy.

But pie crust?

Ewwy, ewwy, YUCK.

So yuck infact...that I would rather eat cake. I would give up all of the yummy filling..because I don't like pie crust. And I would trade it all in for cake.

Yeah. CAKE.

Well - unless my mom makes the pie....and then the pie crust is flaky and melt in your mouth and delicious and wonderful and it doesn't taste like you're eating pie - it only tastes like you're eating heaven filled with yum.

Yep. Go Back. Take your time. Read it again.

One more time for the books?

My mom's piecrust is HEAVEN FILLED WITH YUM.

Today's lesson? Yum is good. Ewwy ewwy yuck is not. Therefore, you should all come over and try some of my mom's pie...because it's pure awesome.

Except you probably shouldn't...because it's mine. All mine.

Okay - Today's REAL lesson? Erin's bad at sharing...at least when it comes to her mom's homemade pie.

Frustration

Note: I wrote this post a little while..perhaps even weeks ago now...and just now found it sitting in my 'drafts' folder - although it's not necessarily as relevant to TODAY persay, a great deal of it is still is relevant to life in general..so thus, today you get ramblings from the inner workings of Erin's brain when she happened to be in a little bit of a mood. Consider yourself warned.

Todays Letter is F, and the word of the day is frustration.

Sometimes I just find myself in a perpetual state of frustration.

Frustration with people - because they just don't get it. They don't get what's going through my head, why I think the way I do, why I do things the way I do or why I am the way I am. I'm me. That's all I can be. I'm so tired to bending over backwards to try and please EVERYONE and always coming up short. It's as if I've gotten to the point where I've tried and tried and tried and tried and it's never been good enough for ANYONE...so now I just am sitting on the side of the curb, I've thrown my hands in the air and I just don't care anymore. I know that I'm losing people in my life because of it...but I don't know if I can even be bothered anymore because I'm just so frustrated with it always being like this. I'm tired of trying to do everything and leaving myself short. I'm tired of always going out of my way to do extra things and special things - and instead of just toning it down a little - I seem to have just sunk into a black hole of nothing. I'm spent, I'm tired, and I can't think or focus on anything or anyone anymore. I just want to hide from everything - and yet again, no one gets it and I just continually feel like a giant ball of failure. Even when I do manage to get my stuff together, it's never good enough for anyone - let alone lasts long enough to satisfy anyone. All I want to do is hide from everyone, but I can't do that either - so I'm stuck here in limbo - with no idea where the door is.

I'm frustrated with the world...knowledge is power, but it also has the tremendous power to put a heavy burden on your shoulders. Feeling as though there are so many things that could be done, if only people opened their eyes and gave a damn. And feeling powerless to do anything, feeling like anything you can do is so miniscule that it doesn't matter anyways. Even if I KNOW that it would and does. Wanting to do more, to BE more - and never having (making?) enough time, energy or money to do what your heart dreams of being able to do. So many sad stories, so many heartbreaks - and so little that can be done. Watching and participating in things that waste so much time, effort and who knows what else for things that just don't matter in the long run - when there are so many other things out there that need a new idea, a new thought, a helping hand or a hug.

And...as always, frustration with myself, for a million and a half different things that is kind of pointless to even think about getting into here. Wanting to be a better person, but never being that. Wanting to make changes, to make things better - wanting to do more and be more and getting stuck in this endless cycle of frustration - and then getting angry at the cycle of frustration instead of doing something about it.

And now I'm sitting on the internet writing about it instead of doing something about it.

Cue: A new cycle of frustration. Gah.

Some News

Last week I talked vaguely about the life and times of rumours in a small town...

And well, dear internets...I have some news.

I start classes this week.

What classes you may ask?

Classes of the prenatal variety.

Which means that unless you've been hiding under a rock - you can PROBABLY guess what that means.

...

.....

........

Yeah.

If you guessed that my cousins sister is a big wig at Harvard, her mom is watching the world cup in South Africa and her husband is advancing his future by finishing his post grad in another city - and I'm left to be my pregnant cousins prenatal class partner - then you're DEFINITELY right on the money.

If you thought that I was pregnant and that's what the rumours are about - then I can only assume that you have indeed been hiding under a rock and tell you without a doubt in my mind that you were WRONG. Sucka.

Had you worried for a second there - didn't I?

You may now go back to trying to resume your breathing at a natural pace, telling your heart to quit racing and calm down with the knowledge that I'm not procreating...yet.

Although I'm sure that after these classes - the chances of me EVER wanting to have my own children will be drastically diminished.

I hear that the only reason they get people to take the classes ANYWAYS is 'cause they're already knocked up ;)

What's in a keyword..

So a while ago I signed up for google analytics. It was new, it was hip, it was...fun. I guess? It's interesting to see who comes to visit your blog and from where...but I don't entirely understand the results all of the time...so I don't spend too much time bumming around on it. Infact, I hadn't been on it in as long as I could remember...so when I quite literally stumbled across it I was like...ooh! Let's go look and see.

Found out a few things - Like I have more random secret readers than I thought. Yeah - I know about you! The secret is out! Liklihood is that I probably secretly creep you too - so I know what it's all about.

But I also discovered this little thing about 'keywords' - which I guess is what people type into google and then come across your blog via.

And I laughed.

Because I had some pretty fun keywords.

Ones that I was like...uhh...how the heck is this even REMOTELY related to ANTYHING that I've EVER written?

So I went back and looked at the entire history of google keywords and these are a few that I found:

whatthehellarewedoingtoday - Dude - I have no idea what you're doing today! Sorry! And yeah. All one word.

"the nanny diaries" - Man - If I had any writing capabilities I'd SO pitch 'The Nanny Diaries Two - I'm totally sure I could do it..right?

what things bump in the night that are canadian - Sorry man..I dunno either - I hear beavers have pretty good eyesight - so I'm just about as stummped as you..

l'arrivé du 1$ au canada - which basically means 'arrive in canada with one dollar' - and if that's true - I'm sorry you just spent that dollah at an internet cafe looking at my blog - whatcha gonna do now?! I don't know who you talked to before you came..but contrary to popular belief..things are expensive here and reading my blog is not going to make you rich. I know, bummer.

But my FAVOURITE - BY FAR? The one that happened YESTERDAY?

Someone came to my blog looking for 'sterilized cheese'.

how. awesome. is. that.

I have no idea what the heck anything I've ever written has to do with sterilized cheese - but I'm so happy that it in some way does..because that's just buckets of awesome and hilarity.

So to the person in Iran looking for sterilized cheese - I'm sorry I couldn't be more of a help - I hope all of your grandest dairy dreams and wishes come true someday!

Forgetful....Something.

Last weekend I stopped by the hardware store to buy some fireworks for the first long weekend of the season that had been upon us.

As I was perusing the fireworks another display up near the front cash registers caught my eye. As I made my way over to that section - one of the cashiers, a young girl with dark brown hair stopped me in my tracks.

With an 'OH! MY! GOD!

To which I of course responded "Yes?".

But then she started gushing. And talking. And asking me personal questions about my family. While using their names. And then she used MY name.

And then I got freaked the hell out - who WAS this girl? What did she want from me and WHY THE HECK DID SHE KNOW SO MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT MY LIFE?

After making small talk which didn't pertain to anything in particular (staying away from the details helps when you have no idea who you're talking to, yet they still know you) she had to deal with another customer so I slipped off back to the previous fireworks display.

My cousins husband started questioning who the girl was and how I knew her - and quite literally the only answer I could give him was that I had NO idea what-so-ever.

As I came up to the cash registers to pay, I was like..Oh jeeze..please don't let her be my cashi-Aw, crap. Too late.

She started talking again - asking about my time in europe and then started talking about herself.

I was like...oh no...danger zone..danger zone...I don't know what she's talking about...and then while I was trying to figure out how to get out of there without her realizing I had NO idea who she was she was like 'yeah, did you know that Spencer had a baby!?' and I was like 'No - I had no idea' and she started talking about how CUTE the baby was and how she was so sweet and blah blah blah - And I'm all - I don't KNOW any Spencers - I vaguely know one who is a few years younger than me, but why the heck would I care if he had a baby - and he couldn't have had a baby because I defintely know his ex-girlfriend and she DEFINITELY didn't have a baby - let alone have a baby 18 months ago.

So I rack my brain and by this point she's telling me something about her parents - and in my head I'm all..dude..why would I know your parents?

And then suddenly it hits me.

Yeah - the fact that I love self absorbed teens that talk about themselves...because I just put the pieces together.

It's Christine, who has a sister named Julia and a brother named ...DING DING DING!....Spencer!

All of whom I use to babysit....

Suddenly it all fell into place.

I still see their parents around and about on a regular basis - but haven't seen the kids in YEARS....so between the fact that they've grown up - and the fact that she now has black hair instead of blonde - it kinda makes sense that I didn't recognize her.

But it kinda means that I'm officially REAL old - 'cause the kids that I BABYSAT are now having kids.

I hear that memory loss happens as you get older..but sheesh.

Crap. Please excuse me while I go get my de-wrinkler-cream....I totally forgot about it.

Swiss Love

Sometimes things are so the same, and it's just so awesome.

Of course - this isn't always the case - and even if sometimes things APPEAR to be the same...they aren't...that's just a fact of life.

But a couple of weeks ago (when the blogging fail BEGAN) my friend flew down from northern Ontario to spend a few days here before she jetted off to Cuba. A friend from the lovely land of Swiss who I spent countless days having adventures, making good food with and complaining to about the horrid slave I had become.

She spent a few days hanging out with her brother in a city not TOO far from here, and then made her way to Toronto before she grabbed another one of our 'Swiss' girls and made their way here to my humble abode.

And as they called me for directions as they drove hopelessly lost through my city I couldn't help but smile. It was typical. The laughter was infectious - I was excited.

I stood on the front stoop waiting for them - and when they finally arrived we rejoiced on the driveway, we laughed and we all were talking way too fast about everything and anything inbetween.

We made our way into the house where we ate too much food. Laughed too hard and caught up on all of the adventures we've been respectively having in our lives since we parted ways in Zurich months ago.

We reminissed, we talked about the future and we clinked our glasses with such familiarity that it was as if we'd never been apart.

It had been months (almost a YEAR) since the three of us had been together...and it was hard to believe that it had been that long..because it was just one of those things that automatically fell back into place.

The house was a little different, the food was a little different and the surroundings were a little different - but us? The self proclaimed 'non sexual, heterosexual polygamist love triangle' - we fell right back where we left off. It was as if the last 9 months hadn't happened. As if we were back sitting on the edge of lake Zurich, meeting in the hauptbanhof for a night of freedom, or watching Marissa roll around on the floor because she'd eaten too much and didn't know how to stop and was now writhing in excruiating pain while eyeing the chocolate fondu sitting on the kitchen table.

It was so familiar. It was so lovely...and at a point...we all just...stopped. Looked at each other...and were like..this is weird. In a GOOD way. But still just...weird. How is it possible that things just slip back to where they left off? That we all still had so much to talk about? That we all loved each other just as much as we did a year and a continent ago? It was so nice to just surround myself in the warmth of people who I love, who understood what I was thinking before I said it...who love me unconditionally and laugh at my stupidity at me with me.

Now all I need is for someone to fly my (preggers!!!) Aussie to me, a couple of gals to the east and perhaps a Kiwi or two and I'm set. For REAL.



Oh the triangle - LOVE!



I love Jenn for many reasons - but probably the best one is the fact that she would play tradsies with me for gelato in Prague. Yeah we did. Mango and chocolate? BEST COMBO EVAH.



<3<3<3



Some of my faaaaaavourite Swiss girls - I couldn't have survived without them - and miss them so!


Europe withdrawal symptoms suck. And they never seem to go away...but the longings for those friends? Those friendships? Killer dude. Killer.

Life Is Good

This weekend was a long weekend in the 'great white north'...you know...to celebrate a queen who died a LONG ASS TIME AGO in a country that isn't our own.

We're cool like that - don't judge.

I don't usually do anything for this long weekend - and spent the week thinking I wouldn't really do anything and wondering if tentative plans with some friends might work out or not...by Thursday night at like, midnight we were trying to rush and figure out and finalize what we were doing for the weekend, if anything.

Thus, our plan went a little like this:

Erin: "Whatcha wanna do this weekend?"
Carly: "Absolutely nothing"
Erin: "Wanna do it at the cottage on the dock?"
Carly: "YEP!"

So we went. We ate WAY too much food (95% of my pics from the last two days would make you go NOM NOM NOM and then drool.) and played games, we talked until I basically lost my voice (I now sound like a pubesent boy...for realz.) and sat on the end of the dock reading trashy magazines that I haven't read for so long.

It was just the two of us and we laughed, shared stories and chit chatted until what felt like forever. It was relaxing - we did virtually nothing except chill on the dock, go for walks and sit on the deck.

It was exactly what I needed and I'm SO glad she made the trek the three hours to my cottage to visit! It always amazes me how much we have in common, how we can talk about nothing and EVERYTHING and NEVER run out of things to talk about..how it's never awkward or weird and we can just swap stories about things that have been happening in our lives like we do it on a daily basis...we can talk about travelling on our european adventures. (which so few people really GET) We can talk about our families and our lives and the things that are going on in them, and we can talk about politics and world events and things "that we've read...somewhere".

It was exactly what I needed - A weekend to do..nothing...with one of my favourite girls EVER. Even though we didn't REALLY take advantage of the long weekend and she headed back today instead of us staying another night it was just...perfect.



We chit chatted in the living room with a fantastic view



We ate icecream



We took cute pictures - to prove that we were both there ;)



We chilled in the beauty of the cottage on the dock!



AND - We played with fire!

It was a perfect weekend.

But even more perfect? We're having dinner with the fam tonight - With nothing less than surf & turf, laughter, carrot cake AND fireworks - the perfect end to a perfect weekend.

Life is good folks - life is good.

Turn That Frown..

I'm living with my cousin right now and it's good - but the thing is...lately I've just been feeling lethargic, tired, like I have the world sitting on my shoulders.

It's draining beyond belief to be sitting here overthinking E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.....ALWAYS.

Then the other night I went out to dinner with a couple of friends of my cousins that were in town for a night from Halifax and we laughed, chatted and shared stories like we were old friends - even though I'd only met them mere hours before. It was so nice to just relax and chill and enjoy each others company - even though they weren't old friends...we just got along so well and it was such a nice enjoyable evening.

To be honest - I needed it.

Things in so many places of my life have just been such high stress situations lately that I needed a place with people in which I could just be myself and enjoy myself...and I took full advantage of that.

It was the perfect evening....good food, good company..and one liners that had you trying not to pee your pants. Even some coming from ME. Yeah. ME! Who knew that exhaustion made me hilarious?!

It felt like one of the few times since I've been back in North America that I've actually....been myself. Really, truly and honestly been myself. No holds barred, not overthinking everything I think or say or do and actually enjoying myself instead of trying to convince myself that I'm enjoying myself. It was amazingly refreshing, revitilizing and eye opening.

Eye opening because I just realized how much I need to take deep breathes, how much I need laughter in my life and how happiness is worth more than...anything.

So that night, while I was falling asleep with a smile on my face...I made a decision; To be happy, to smile, to embrace all of the good things in life and discard the rest.

Life is just too short. There are too many things that aren't worth it. There are so many things that I want to do, to be, to love...that I don't have time for the stupid things...it's just not worth it.

I mean...for crying out loud...I'm TWENTY FOUR and have my ENTIRE LIFE ahead of me.

I can be whatever I want, I can do whatever I want...I'm in control of my life...I can choose to not let the crap get me when I'm down. I can choose to smile and have a conversation that brightens my soul. I can CHOOSE to be happy and enjoy the good things...and I WANT to do that.

Then yesterday, I proceeded to talk to some wise older-than-me women who confirmed what I thought. Who gave me the courage to go forward and not feel selfish for feeling the way I felt. Who re-affirmed the good things, clucked and told me it was all okay, that it would all be okay, and that it was just a part of growing up. Who talked to me as if I was their peer, instead of someone 20, 30, 40 years their junior. It was refreshing to talk openly with people who GOT it. Who understood what I was thinking, what I was going through and who shared my thought process. People who I could have these fun chats and debates with, who I didn't feel were bored with what I was saying or wished that I would talk about something a little...less intense.

I just feel like this massive shift is happening in my life...and even though I despise change...for once...well...I'm a little excited. But that could just be the exhaustion speaking....I'll keep you up to date.

The Addict

I'm getting a little frustrated.

You see - I've been hooked on a few too many tv shows. Quite frankly, I blame Europe.

Don't understand my logic? WELL - Try working a split shift EVERYDAY FOR WEEKS STRAIGHT. You work from 7am until 9-10am and then from 4pm until 10pm (or 11, or 12, or whenever the hooligans felt like falling asleep, doh).

Point being - IT MESSES WITH YOUR MIND.

Then - don't have a weekend off - no, just work through those too - oh - but work 12-18 hour days instead. And for fun, let's throw in a day of skiing through the Alps (I know, boohoo me) and overtired children and needing to be a zombie.

It means that you need distractions. And because you've got from 9-10am until 4pm OFF of work, everyone back home is just starting their days. If you're lucky you catch someone at 3am before they've gone to bed (doubtful - but amusing when it happens) or they sign in just as you're heading off to pick up the kids from school. Not so good for the social life - and since everything in Switzerland is SUPER EXPENSIVE - your choices for doing anything or going anywhere are pretty darn limited. Like - super limited if you want to have ANY money left over for your awesome weeks of holidays - which is the real reason you're there anyways - so you're trying not to blow it on on a five dollar CAN of coco-cola (True dizzle - I once did this.)

So I spent a lot of time moaning and complaining to my nanny comrads (love.) and watching far too much illegally streamed tv. Thank YOU, Megavideo.

But after watching the one or two shows I watched on a regular basis I got bored. I read of course, and talked on the phone, walked around the village, took some beautiful photos - and then was like...hmm...I gots me another 49 weeks to kill...what in the world am I going to do during the day?!

So I started watching tv shows - and I'm pretty sure that all of us slaves did it. We just watched seasons - we'd start with episode one and go from there. Wherein I got absolutely HOOKD on some really funny tv. Amusement was key to my lack of explosions on small children - so really, it benifited all.

Except that now...well...I got hooked. On hilarity - which is good - but also on some REALLY AWFUL AWFUL tv shows - some of which are SO BAD that I cannot even name them here. Luckily, those ones have gone - but the decent (erm..half..decent) ones have stuck - and I'm still watching. Hours of endless amusement mean that I spend far too much of my life being a zombie - but a zombie that is laughing so hard she's trying not to pee.

Fair tradeoff if you think about it.

Man - I type a lot.

Point is - it's that time of year when seasons end - which mean - GASP! AH! SIGH! Cliffhangers.

Don't get me wrong - I love me a good cliffhanger. Well, Actually...I don't...because then it means that I have to wait 734108741208 years (Real time: Approximately three months) until I get to find out what happens. So I understand in theory what they're trying to do...and I don't mind..it's all part of the biz (I'm so cool with the lingo)

But here's my bone to pick - Seriously.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO DIE.

Why does every ad for every cliffhanger I see involve someone dying, almost dying or some sort of deathly situation. WHY?

I don't like death. It makes me sad. I don't like being sad. When I'm sad I stop what I'm doing and hide.

I don't like when characters I love die.

I don't like when characters I love are sad because people that character loves died.

It's not fun. I don't find it amusing...and I'm getting fed up with it.

Is that all that shocks us anymore? Death? And it can't even be a 'normal' death - but it has to be something so extreme and out of the ordinary that it's unbelievable - that shock, horror and awe sells I suppose...but...there's just something that makes me cringe. That makes me run. That makes me hide...and makes me go and watch How I Met Your Mother - where the worst thing that happens is that, well, it's five years later and he still hasn't met Mrs. Right - Oh well, so sad. We all know that he's going to meet her EVENTUALLY (the kids kinda give it away) and that there will be hilarity and possibly a slapsgiving or two along the way (If you don't get that reference I demand that you go and watch the show starting with season one - NOW.) Or perhaps I'll go and watch The Big Bang Theory - Because man..those nerds are ridiculous and hilarious. Sometimes I'm watching and I will just burst out, full fledged, can't help myself laughing and it's awesome. No one DIES and it's not sad - and guess what - I'M STILL WATCHING.

I'm almost about to veto watching the drama's I'm hooked on.

Except that I need to know that Bailey's okay.

And Pete and Violet just need to kiss and make babies. Again. For real.

*sigh*

My name is Erin - And I'm addicted to WAY too much HORRIBLE television. Eck.

Murphy Strikes Again

After my first run in with Murphy I had a little bit of a bone to pick. So last Thursday I was prepped. I was ready. Murphy was GOING DOWN.

I showed up and it was a beautiful day. It was so beautiful that I was convinced that Murphy had run off, scared, with his tail between his legs.

Cocky Attitude? Mistake number one.

I set up, had everything ready to go and was enjoying the beautiful day.

Just as I was about to admire that it was a much nicer day than the previous week, the black clouds came rumbling in.

And how they rumbled.

But I was like...pshawww...no worries...Murphy pulled this trick last week - He's all cloud and no rain.

More Cocky Attitude? Mistake number two.

As the raindrops started to fall I scrambled for cover. My tables were right near the edge of the tents, and I feared for my precious jam labels safety. I quickly moved my tents out, so that I didn't have to move my tables with tons of glass bottles on it - and I thought I had him fooled.

Just when I was about to pat myself on the back, my words came back to bite me - and suddenly drip drip drip came THROUGH the edges of my two tents that I'd squeezed together, directly onto, yep, you guessed it...my jam labels.

Feeling like a fool, I rigged up the edges so that no drops came through.

My genius was pretty full of itself and was feeling mighty fine and the rest of the market was uneventful. My labels stayed dry, I had some good chats with my farmers market neighbours and ate some somosa's. Mmmmmmm...somosa love.

Thinking that the score was Erin: 2, Murphy: ZERO I was about to do a happy dance as I was taking down my tents.

I shook off the rain water as I was about to take down my tents, lowered one of the legs - and realized that Murphy had somehow held some water back, and as I tried to take down my tent...poured the water DOWN MY BACK.

I finished packing up shivering, cold and wet..and re-evaluated the score to be a tie.

So Murphy - If you're reading this...please know that I've come to grips with the fact that you may possess some powers of awesome...and can make my life...yucky...if you so desire. So please take this as my white flag. I'm throwing in the towel. We're tied, and that's that. Should you decide to pop your head over to this neck of the woods this week, you can be sure that I hold no ill will towards you and am ready to make peace. So if you could bring a bottle or two of sunshine - I'll take that as your peace offering and maybe we can have a nice summer together afterall.

853

Yesterday I was driving down a main street in town. It was a one way street, one that some of my favourite girls from university lived on. I was driving - la de la - when out of the corner of my eye I glanced towards the house where they use to live was.

AND SAW A GIANT HOLE WHERE THE HOUSE SHOULD BE.

The house where we had birthday parties, talked until all hours of the night and danced in. Where the floors slanted that odd sort of way, and the cupboard doors opened on their own. The house that there are so many memories wrapped up in, and even though I'd "said goodbye" to that house years ago, it still choked me up to think that it was gone.

What were they doing? Trying to change the whole street? I thought to myself as I continued driving - first they tear down the crazy ladys house, and then they tear down 853!? How COULD they? Sure - it's true - the floors were definitely anything but level - but that's not a reason to BULLDOZE A HOUSE.

I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed to think about that house being gone - and had to make sure it was really gone - so at the next corner I turned and made my way back up the other one way street. As I sat on the corner waiting to turn I tried to catch a glimpse of the house with my lower lip pouting in a vibrant display of how much change sucks. Then I rounded the corner and a giant tree (that I definitely don't remmber) clouded my view. I pulled over to the side of the road and sighed.

But it was a sigh of relief - as I had pulled right infront of the still-standing, perfectly in tact, slanty floors and all house.

Turns out my peripherial vision SUCKS and I had mistaken the hole where the crazy ladies house was for my beloved 853.

Yeah, I REALLY need to get my eyes checked.