Thursday, October 22, 2009

I started yet another blog (because, you know, I don't have ENOUGH to do with my time :S)...It's just a photo blog though..and it's mostly just for my own personal documentation...

Should you be can find it here :)

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Early Morning Ramblings

Lately, I've been plagued with thoughts of how I want to live my life. I'm finding that I have this internal struggle of how I'm living my life..versus how I WANT to live my life. I can see in my head, how I want it to go..but it doesn't correlate on paper quite as easily. I guess a lot of it is because I don't know exactly what I want..I haven't been able to properly put it into words, let alone know where I want to go and how to get there. It's all fine and wonderful in my head..but getting started, getting going and actually accomplishing things is another story. It's like I'm running a race..and I can picture myself running through the finish line victoriously..but I have no idea of the course I should take to actually run the race.

I guess that's just life though, because we never know the direction we will go..or what way we should take to get to the end..but we all have to get there anyway. The joy of life is though..that we do have that power and control..and has hard and difficult as it may be to TAKE it and actually USE it..we really are in control of our own lives..and can live them the way that we want to. Well, obviously, this is coming from a very middle class point of view..but that's my perspective that I happen to be living from..and as such, I feel like it's my duty to make sure that my life IS being lived in the way that I want it to be, because I am one of the lucky few who is given that chance and opportunity. I have plenty of education behind me, I have a good family, I have morals and values and beliefs...and I can do a lot of good for the world if I so choose to do it. It's amazing how many people I watch in my life..with the same things behind them...who I watch fall into patterns and traps and all of these things..without ever even glancing at the world around them..and it kind of breaks my heart. I'm no saint, I'm not even close..but I have a burning desire to do more and be more in my's just a matter of finding out WHERE I want to go, then figuring out HOW to get there..and then getting up enough get up and go and motivation to get out the door and start running. Sometimes I think that what I need more than anything in life is a jump start. Something to boost my batteries and inspire me.

A while ago...I made myself a bucket list. You know, inspire from the movie about a man who is dying and makes a list of things he wants to do before he 'kicks the bucket'...and even though I have no plans of that happening ANYTIME soon...I thought..well..that's an interesting way to think about the things you want to do in life! And yes, I have been crossing things off of it. I thought that it was a good way to prioritize the things that I want in life, and then break it down so that I can attack the list one thing at a hopes that doing these things, being involved in those things..I can make my life the life I want to live.

I've really realized in the last little while..that there is no point of living your life in a way that you don't want to. If you're not happy..what the hell is the point? This has become especially apparant in the last week with a lot of things that have been going on in my life. As you've probably all heard...none of us get out of this life, in a very morbid way..from the moment we are born..we are on the path to death. Of course, you can't live your life scared of death or scared of what could happen..but I've decided that in light of this realization..that it is necessary for me to live like I am dying..because really, that IS where we all end up in the grand scheme of things. Whether it be six days, six months, six years or sixty years..none of us get out of here alive. So I want to live my life as if I'm dying..regardless of whether it's actually soon or not. To embrace each moment like it's the best thing that has ever happened, to do things to make me happy, to smile more and criticize travel, explore and dance. To do things which make ME happy, instead of always pleasing everyone else around me. To tell the people I love that I love them. To take pretty pictures. To try something new and exciting. To DO all of the things on my bucket list, and then have to go and find new things to add, so that my life continues to be an adventure that I want it to be...and to never want it to end...and so that I can I continue to love where I am and who I've become. There are silly things on going for a ride on a hot air balloon..but there are also serious volunteering with an organinzation that will make a life changing difference to someone, even if it's only one person. I have a lot on there..but I think that it's important to make that list, and to do the things ON that list...because I feel as though most people in life..all have a bucket list..whether or not they've written it down or thought about it is a different question..but we all have things that we want to do before we die..whether it be having children (on my list) or going to egypt (on my list too) or donating blood so that someone can have another chance to live, gets it..(yep, that one is there too) we all have things that float through our heads, that we say.."oooh..someday I want to DO that!"...but most people don't think about them and actively go out and DO them..because life gets too busy, too stressed, too whatever..and we all run around in circles, never doing what we want..not because we're lazy or apathetic..but a lot of the time..because we forget. Things happen..and we haven't made ourselves a it floats off away into the distance, never gets done and becomes forgotten until it's too late, or when it's become 'a dream' that never happens. Sure, a lot of things on my list are off in the distant future, or they're things that I just can't do RIGHT now..but they're THERE, so that I don't forget, so that when I look at that list, I can say..oh right..but to DO that, I've gotta get myself over THERE, which, usually, is where I wanted to be in the first place..but I never had a motive or a reason for being there before..even though that's actually where I wanted to be. I've always found it important to write things down..whether it be through journaling, making lists or any other type of's a record, it's a way to remember..and this is no different. I feel that in creating a bucket doing the things, and taking the steps it will take me to do a lot of them, it will mean that I can shape myself to be the person I want to be. really should come with an operating mannual..sometimes it gets way too confusing..but I suppose, that would be the easy way out..and probably the boring way out too. So for now...I guess my bucket list will have to serve that purpose :)

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Special Delivery

This morning, amid chaos and confusion and frantic emails back and forth trying to sort of a wide array of things...

I got a special delivery :)

My lovely friend Carly sent me flowers for my birthday...they had called my cell phone yesterday to make sure I was home for the delivery..but I missed the call because I was driving to Guelph to take my cousin's husband back to school...and not recognizing the number...I neglected to call them back. I missed the call by seconds again this morning, and then they called my home number and asked if I'd be home for the next few hours...because they had a delivery from the flower store for me!

It was quite possibly the cutest, most unexpected lovely thing :) Totally made my day!! Thanks Carly! xoxo

Monday, October 12, 2009


This year was a year that thanksgiving also fell on my birthday..

And what a lovely birthday it was!

First off...I can't believe that I'm 24. I don't feel like 24..although I'm not really sure what 24 SHOULD feel LIKE. I feel like I should probably be more 'grownup' and what have you by the ripe old age that is almost a quarter of a century..and I feel like 24 is a lot older than 23. At twenty three I could still get away with saying things like 'Oh, I'm only 23!' and people would look at me with their mouths dropping and be like...oh of course it's okay to go and take off and travel for a year! Don't worry about finding a job or settling down or being responsible or any of that stuff...there is no need when you're you're twenty three! You've got your WHOLE life infront of you!" 24..I feel like I should probably be more responsible..kind of like people expect me to be...Like I should actually be settling down and all over this grown up and/or growing up stuff. I'm actually quite content with where I am generally in my life right now. At least, in the way that my life is moving. Yes, there are a lot of things that I would like to change and do and be in my life..but it's a slow but steady process to get where I want to be...and with this birthday...I feel as though it's time for a fresh start..and I'm determined to make this year that fresh start. A year of doing things to make the world a better place, a year of doing what *I* love, a year doing what makes *me* hopes of making myself a better person that stays like that forever, instead of just a year....I firmly believe that if you're happy, and you're committed to making the world a better place..then the world will become a better place, and you will be happier for it. And we all know that happiness is infectious (or at least, I believe it is!) and I really want to make sure that each and every day, I'm part of that.

I've never really been that BIG on birthdays though...and although I've decided that this year I'm making a commitment to change and to living the life the way that I want's not necessarily the BIRTHDAY that is the starting's just the way I happen to be expressing it.

Birthdays have never actually been that big of a deal to me...I'm not that big on presents...I have enough stuff as it is..and anything I need or want, I'm usually able to get it for myself..I've always been rather I don't really enjoy having people buy me gifts..I just like spending time with ones that I love...and this year was exactly that.

It was so lovely to spend the entire day with family that I really and truly care about and love beyond belief. We ate good food, went for walks, laughed, chatted, carved pumpkins, were silly and were happy.

Really, what more of a birthday can you want? :)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Mish Mash O Thanks

My family has arrived from Africa!!!

Well, one cousin and her Dad, the other cousin and their mom (my aunt) come in about 10 days!! I'm really excited that they're here for thanksgiving..even though I had to work all weekend, and am as per usual am throughly exhausted! It's just so nice to have them really just puts a lot of things into perspective and gives me so much more to be thankful for.

Out of ALL of my cousins, they're definitely the ones that I'm closest with..even though we've actually never lived in the same city...It must have something to do with being close-ish in age, having very similar morals/beliefs/values and being the only girl cousins for SO long.

It's rather lovely that they're moving back! My cousin Roberta will be staying here a looong time as her and her husband just bought a house in town but unfortuantly my other cousin, Edana, will only be here until the beginning of January until she moves to Boston for a job she took here. As much as it's impressive to say 'Yeah, I have a cousin who does research at Harvard'...I'd still rather she stay HERE! Ah well...just a good excuse to visit Boston I suppose!

I'm so excited to spend more time with them and actually have a chance to REALLY get to know them..because as much as I love them and we always spend time together when we're in the same city/country/continent..but it'll be nice to spend a lot of real quality time with them :) Although I am a little worried about bombarding them with love and them becoming overwhelmed with family always wanting to spend time with I'll do my best not to do that..but there is only so much that I can restrain myself...haha!

Anyways, I spent a lovely evening with them tonight, just sitting around in my grampa's basement..haha! Tomorrow they come out for thanksgiving dinner..where it's quite possible that we will all eat until we explode. I'm not even joking about how much food we's kind of the completely, totally and utterly delicious sense of the word. We've been joking all week about how we all need to get 'Thanksgiving Pants' like Joey does in Friends.

Ha. I love that show. Classic Joey moment..right there.

So, that's basically what we'll all be doing tomorrow. You know, eating way too much and then complaining about how we ate so much, probably eating some more..and then falling asleep on the couch. At least that's my plan...I might take a little walk and take some pictures of the BEAAAAAUTIFUL fall pictures...but then..the couch *is* pretty darn comfy. We'll see how COLD it is tomorrow. Eck.

All things considering..there is a lot to be thankful for this year...I'm not scaling the Eiffel Tower like I was this weekend last year, but I am surrounded by a mass amounts of wonderful family and friends. We have far too much food...we're surrounded by the beauty that is Ontario in the fall (which by the TOTALLY giving Paris in the fall a run for it's money...) ..we have our health and more often than not, smiles on our faces. It seems like the older I get..the more I realize how important it is to be thankful for the smaller things, the things that I use to take for granted..and take whatever simple pleasure I can from those :)

Oh, and speaking of getting older...there's also that pesky little thing about my 24th birthday. Which, I've decided that I'm a little bit in denial about. It's not ACTUALLY my birthday tomorrow. Nah. Buuut...more to come on that later...for today I'll be thankful that I'm still 23 for another couple hours, and not one step closer to being a quarter of a century old (AHH!)

Happy Thanksgiving Folks!