Friday, May 21, 2010

Turn That Frown..

I'm living with my cousin right now and it's good - but the thing is...lately I've just been feeling lethargic, tired, like I have the world sitting on my shoulders.

It's draining beyond belief to be sitting here overthinking E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.....ALWAYS.

Then the other night I went out to dinner with a couple of friends of my cousins that were in town for a night from Halifax and we laughed, chatted and shared stories like we were old friends - even though I'd only met them mere hours before. It was so nice to just relax and chill and enjoy each others company - even though they weren't old friends...we just got along so well and it was such a nice enjoyable evening.

To be honest - I needed it.

Things in so many places of my life have just been such high stress situations lately that I needed a place with people in which I could just be myself and enjoy myself...and I took full advantage of that.

It was the perfect evening....good food, good company..and one liners that had you trying not to pee your pants. Even some coming from ME. Yeah. ME! Who knew that exhaustion made me hilarious?!

It felt like one of the few times since I've been back in North America that I've actually....been myself. Really, truly and honestly been myself. No holds barred, not overthinking everything I think or say or do and actually enjoying myself instead of trying to convince myself that I'm enjoying myself. It was amazingly refreshing, revitilizing and eye opening.

Eye opening because I just realized how much I need to take deep breathes, how much I need laughter in my life and how happiness is worth more than...anything.

So that night, while I was falling asleep with a smile on my face...I made a decision; To be happy, to smile, to embrace all of the good things in life and discard the rest.

Life is just too short. There are too many things that aren't worth it. There are so many things that I want to do, to be, to love...that I don't have time for the stupid's just not worth it.

I mean...for crying out loud...I'm TWENTY FOUR and have my ENTIRE LIFE ahead of me.

I can be whatever I want, I can do whatever I want...I'm in control of my life...I can choose to not let the crap get me when I'm down. I can choose to smile and have a conversation that brightens my soul. I can CHOOSE to be happy and enjoy the good things...and I WANT to do that.

Then yesterday, I proceeded to talk to some wise older-than-me women who confirmed what I thought. Who gave me the courage to go forward and not feel selfish for feeling the way I felt. Who re-affirmed the good things, clucked and told me it was all okay, that it would all be okay, and that it was just a part of growing up. Who talked to me as if I was their peer, instead of someone 20, 30, 40 years their junior. It was refreshing to talk openly with people who GOT it. Who understood what I was thinking, what I was going through and who shared my thought process. People who I could have these fun chats and debates with, who I didn't feel were bored with what I was saying or wished that I would talk about something a little...less intense.

I just feel like this massive shift is happening in my life...and even though I despise change...for once...well...I'm a little excited. But that could just be the exhaustion speaking....I'll keep you up to date.

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