Thursday, January 7, 2010

Local Idiot Award Goes To...

Reasons I Might Be AM An Idiot:

To start off...

The other day my car decided that it hated me. Or figure skating. I'm not sure. But it was definitely one of those things because you see, while *I* was driving to go see *figure skating* (see: one or the other - I'm telling ya) my car was all like...WHAAABAM - YELLOW LIGHTS OF DEATH!


So I did what any genius does while in gridlock traffic on the worlds smallest back street in my attempt to bypass the gridlock traffic on the main streets. I turned off my car. And then I was all're AN IDIOT. Whatcha gonna do now if your car doesn't start again? Those ARE some yellow lights of death doncha know?

Lucky for me. The car started again.

Unlucky for did the yellow lights of death.

I muttered under my breath. And sat there (in some lovely bumper to bumper traffic..) and damned my car. I figured that it MUST just be some little problem and it wasn't that big of a deal and no worries, we'd go into this skating event..enjoy Elvis Stokjo (yeah we did.) and come back out and my car would love me and the yellow lights of death would have disappeared.

Just my luck..they didn't.

I drove home hoping that I'd survive and not have my car break down on the way to the middle of nowhere home which would mean that I'd be on the side of the road with no heat and no help and literally in the middle of NOWHERE. Luckily, I made it home safely, with no issues despite the lights of death glaring at me the entire way.

The next morning I got my Dad to make an appointment to have someone fix the lights of death and after making myself sound like a complete idiot (and having my Dad pass along my idiot-ness to the car guys), I refrained from driving my car for the next couple of days until they finally had an appointment for my poor little car.

As I went to get in it to go and take it to the car doctors, I looked at my dashboard..and were the yellow lights of death on? Nope. 'Course not. Perfect time for them to decide to play hide and seek. Right when I'm gonna go talk to all these macho car guys about my car and I'm pretty sure they ALREADY think I'm the biggest IDIOT who knows NOTHING about cars. Not that this isn't TRUE or anything..but I like to pretend.

So I'm driving to the place I get my car fixed...and I'm willing the lights to come on. It's the first time in my life that I'm like...heeeeeeey little yellow death lights...come out come out wherever you aaaaaaaaaaare! Don't make me look like a fool now! If I'm going to pay way too much money to have you darn well better turn those lights on...OR ELSE!

Thankfully, I'm pretty good at persuasive speech..and right before I turned into the parking lot...BING.....the lights go ON. SWEEEET!

Normally...yellow lights of death..not such a good thing....but having them come on to make you not look like a fool? AWESOME.

So of course I rushed in and was like...THERE ARE YELLOW LIGHTS ON IN MY CAR! And the guy just sort of looked at me with the look that was like 'Uhh...good for you crazy lady'

And as if I didn't already make myself look like a moron? To make things better...turned out I'd mixed up the time when I was supposed to drop off my car. When I was supposed to have me ma come and pick me up and take me home. Yeah. I was an HOUR EARLY. Another genius strike in the idiot book.

Then I go to pick up my car...and the guy tells me that despite the light coming on and's not really a big deal and c'est la with it or shell out mass moola. I was all like...who doesn't love yellow lights of death?!

So I jumped in my car, and turned it on...all was good. Started driving and was's cold. Turned on the fan for the heat. Nothing. Turned it off. Then turned it on. Still nothing. I'm at this point about a block away from the repair shop and freaking out that I've taken my car in to be fixed and now it's more broken then when I took it in. I'm starting to get all freaked out because HELLO...I live in's COLD and driving in a car with no no fun. Let alone if like..I breathe..and it gets all foggy..and then I can't see anything 'cause THERE IS NO HEAT. And didn't I mention that it's flippin' COLD?

Then I realize that I've turned on the fan. But did I turn on the heat? Nope. Forgot that one. Erm...I'd better stop counting the ways in which yours truly has proved herself to be an idiot.

Seriously...I don't even have to TRY. It just happens naturally.

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