Today would have been his birthday..
It's hard to look at the number in my phone and not try to call it.
It's hard to know that there will be no more birthday dinners, phone calls or WHATEVER.
Sometimes I build up this wall. I go about my life doing the things that need to be done..and I repress all of the things that make me sad, worried or upset.
And then days like this happen.
Days that are important.
Days I wish things were different.
Days I wish I had magical powers to fix everything.
And you can't help but have a little meltdown, the tears falling freely as you flip through photos.
It's been months, and at times...it still doesn't feel real. Death and I don't get along very well...we have this system set up where I like to make believe that I just haven't seen (fill in the blank) for a while...
But then birthdays, special events or something else happens..
And those walls that were built up so carefully come crumbling down.
Humans are such odd creatures..
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Oh Erin... I am so sorry. I missed the post in March when he died, and I know how hard it is to lose a grandpa, especially when you are as close as you two were.
ReplyDeleteYou are in my thoughts. xo