Sunday, November 8, 2009

Hollywood Hopeful

Somebody stole my gig.

The jerks went and lived my life, read my mind, wrote a screenplay, convinced famous actors to do their job and made a movie of my life last year.

All before it even HAPPENED.

I spent the day being a bum and watching movies and willing myself to get out of bed..and it was desperately needed.

Then I watched the movie the Nanny Diaries..which I hadn't seen since I myself WAS a nanny...and as much as I had seen quite a few similarities between the movie and my life I watched was a little more then surreal and a little frightening just HOW similar my life last year was to the main characters.

Between the designer bags, the misbehaving children, the demanding employers...and the SHOES..(oh the shoes!) could have been my life. Well, if you switched The Hamptons with St. Tropez & St. Barth ...THEN it REALLY was my life. For real yo.

Brief tangent: Are things automatically better and more loved by the rich and fabulous if their names start with St? Maybe I should change my name to St. Erin? Not blasphomous at ALL or anything :P I really want them to love me? Because that might mean that I'm being their glorified slave again..uh oh!

ANYWAY. It was just such an eye watch my life in movie form. I mean, I had watched the film before. The first time I actually watched was in Deutsch. And because my German is SO HORRIFIC the girls were all like HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING every 2.5 miliseconds while we watched..and it took everything I had not scream back that I knew what was happening BECAUSE IT WAS THE SCRIPT FOR MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS.

I watched it later with the settings changed to English..and even more hit home..but was just like..Whoa. When you're in this world..where everyone has a Nanny..and you're just a part of 'that group' of childcare's kind of a surreal sort of life. When you're the ones the kids say their goodnights and their I love you's to every night..When you're the one scraping nutella off of EVERYTHING, including the oh-so-impractical white couches.. When you're the only one that knows what vegetables they'll eat and which best friend is on the 'i'm not talking to you' list each week..and you put up the late nights, the kids crawling into your bed in the middle of the night and the way too early mornings to make cupcakes for birthdays at school. When you're doing all this...when they aren't even your own's just..different. It's not like they were MY kids..and it's not like I know what it's like to raise my own children..but I do know what it's like to raise someone ELSES.

So as I watched..I sat there and thought to did I put UP with that for a WHOLE year? Seriously? I let myself BE THAT PERSON? That person that they make a movie of because it's so surreal that it's RIDICULOUS? Of course I know on some level..why I stuck it out. You see...I'm stubborn, I can't give up on things..and okay..yes...there were SOME good things to living in Zurich for a year. An entire city filled almost entirely with guys in suits? How could I POSSIBLY complain?

And yes, I loved the kids..there is a line where Scarlett Johansson says (and I'm paraphrasing here - because I can't remember the quote) something along the lines of the fact that no one would understand because they're not a part of it, and that she loves the child she's taking care of..and that's why she can't leave. Luckily for me, I had a contract and a visa that made it so that I couldn't stay. But the thing is..even though my contract was flimsy at best, and they didn't stick up to THEIR end of it...I did stick it out. Because I did (erm - do?) love them. Despite the headaches, hassle and high blood pressure that they often caused..I really do. I put my heart and soul into raising them...and even though it only was for a year..I couldn't just walk away from that in the middle of the year...despite ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that DID come along. I stayed because I knew they'd be even more screwed up when they grew up if yet another person in their life left them and disappointed them. I couldn't do that..despite so many msn conversations where people tried to convince me that it just wasn't worth it..aupair meetings where we spent our mornings comparing sick childrens symptoms and previous transgressions...and phone calls home crying at 4am that I was exhausted and just didn't know what to do anymore...I stayed.

There MAY have been other reasons why I stayed...but because this is MY blog and I control what's written shall be noted that I did it because I loved the kids. Oh, and MAYBE those nine sweet sweet weeks of paid holidays to travel Europe. That was a slight perk, maybe a little bit of the reason I felt compelled to stay. But just a little one.

....Or maybe, just a LITTLE teensy bit..because I'm a sucker for torturing myself. But it was mostly the kids I'm telling ya.

ANYWAY. To get off the tangent truck....So now, not only are the aformentioned gig stealers now awesome and RICH, but they also have the ability to TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE. I'm so tempted to stomp my feet and scream at the injustice of it, power, sweet movie gigs...AND TIME TRAVEL. They leave NOTHING for me. Nothing. I spend the entire year researching..wiping runny noses, being verbally abused, having to watch high school musical on repeat..and what do I get? Nothing. Not even get one stinkin' little MOVIE DEAL? Not. Fair.

I was about throw in the towel and become that crazy lady who wanders around screaming about how life isn't fair...when I realized..that there is still the possibilty that I could write the sequel. Nobodys written 'Nanny Diaries: Abroad' yet...and I bet no one else has some of the stories I do...I mean..really..who else was in charge of three young girls who stole champagne to have a 'disco in a hottub on the roof'...and then proceeded to WASH THEIR HAIR WITH A FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR BOTTLE OF BOOZE when it was too much for them to drink...throw the bottle over the roof of the hotel into the Rhine to hide all evidence and lied their faces off until the little one was given a plea bargin to give up the other girls for her freedom. And no punishments were put into place anyways.

Wow - I just made myself sound like the worst nanny EVAH. Let it also be noted that the aformentioned weekend was my weekend off - and they were in the charge of their mother - not me, the qualified and AWESOME nanny.

That is only ONE of my stories from THE FIRST WEEK I LIVED WITH THEM. I've got so much material to work with..I'll probably have to make at LEAST three movies.

I'd be a little worried about them claiming that I breached some sort of confidentiality and them sueing all of the mad cash that I will presumably make on said films..but seeing as though they saw no resemblence what-so-ever with themselves in the FIRST movie..I'm pretty sure that my future earnings are safe.


Screenplay writing That clearly follows my random career path of teacher --> nanny --> farmer. Might as WELL throw script writer in there too.

Hey Hollywood? Watch out! Here I come!

No comments:

Post a Comment