Monday, November 16, 2009

Illness Illusions

I have been doing everything I can think of to not think of being sick. Of getting sick. Of sickness in general.

I have been drinking tea, getting lots of sleep (even if it's not necessarily as early as I should be - I am sleeping in and thus getting 8-10 hours a night) and ODing on vitamin C in the form of delicious, delicious holiday clementines. Oh how I love ODing on clementines and finding out that they're actually good for me and will keep me from getting sick. Or at least that's what I'll keep telling myself to allow my delicious addiction to continue.


I've been telling myself that I'm not getting sick. That I refuse. I find that sometimes when I'm just really stubborn and don't give into the sick that's trying to wrap its greedy little hands around me...that eventually it tries its best..sticks around for a couple of days while I carry on my regular business and then leaves, knowing that when it finally slinks off to find another warm body to host its evil virus in I will laugh triumphantly in its face.

So I'm calmly ignoring this heavy tingling feeling in my bronchi.

Yes, in my bronchi.

Let me explain: A) Me Ma's a nurse. I grew up with entirely too many medical professionals surrounding me and thus know an odd, random amount of information about medicine and illness. No joke, this is the kid that once had a sore throat and told her mother that her esophagus hurt. and B) It's happened before.

I was perpetually sick in the winters of my highschool years with a tight feeling in my lungs and bronchi were an ever constant presence. Cold air seemed to make my chest seize up and then came the ever present seal cough. You know, the one where you sound like a sea animal barking everytime you breathe. Funtimes. My doctor gave me a puffer to use way back in the day..and although it helped a little..the effects didn't last long, and after a really did...well..not a whole lot. That, and sometimes I'm a wee bit leery of a whole lotta medications and stuff. Just never have been all about popping a pill or puffer or any of that stuff..would rather let my body duke it out..and most times it works, far...I can tell when it's not going to.

But, it seems to be back. And I'm coughing like a seal. And the tingly gross tight heavy feeling in my bronchi is back.

But I'm not sick.

And as long as I keep telling myself that...and of course...ODing on delicious vitamin C...I won't get sick. Right?


It's not five am. And I am not awake. I can't NOT lay down because laying down does not mean that I can't not get any air into my lungs. And no air into my lungs does not mean that I can't breathe..and not breathing means that I don't cough and not coughing means THE WORLDS HEADACHE IN THE WORLD does not return.

Bah. I hate NOT being sick.

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