I've been sick for the last couple of days..
Nothing serious, just a cough, sore throat and a little bit of an ear ache.
Oh. And the sniffles. Gotta love THOSE.
I'm basically walking around like I'm the sniffle monster.
Which means that just about every where I go, I sniffle.
Not so surprising when you have a cold...but it's still kinda gross, and I hate being sick...
Just the feeling of being blah is so gross...but I didn't realize quite how gross it was though...how icky the sniffling was...
That is, until my cousins parrot started IMITATATING my sniffles.
Holy disgusting man.
Now, every time I walked into the room..the bird starts sniffling as though it can't breathe through its nose...and it sounds like gross. And a half. Making long disgusting (definitely exaggerated) sniffling noises.
I need to get better, quick.
Because seriously..if this is what I sound like...I'm pretty sure I disgust myself beyond belief. Ew.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A Grandfather
Grandparents are special people. Grandfathers are special people.
Mine gave wonderful hugs, always had an ear or three to listen to me babble with his quiet, serene nature and took me out for icecream. When I was little I would go to church with them every week - where he called me a wiggle worm becasue I could never sit still in the church pew we sat in together...and then held me in his lap while I leaned against his chest, feeling his heart beat as I calmed down and became a little less wiggly. He taught me how to keep my money organized while I was working at farmers markets, a system that is so ingrained in my mind that I'll never be able to do it any other way. He taught me how to make beautiful displays of fruits, and to always say hello and smile, no matter what. We went on roadtrips together; the cheese and/or chocolate factory (you can't do one without the other when they're down the road from each other and you've driven an hour to get to ONE) to the east coast - just the two of us. Where he showed me the farm where my father was born, where he owned a store, the church that they went to and so many of the other stories that went along with his life there. Where he taught me to love seafood, instead of hide from it. And our biggest trip - Africa. Where we saw where the oceans met, drove through the mountains and saw penguins playing in the ocean.
He always smiled his sweet smile, pulled a dog cookie out of his pocket and made friends with whatever dogs happened to be in the vacinity.
Through his gentle nature, I learned how to be patient, kind and loving. I could never begin to tell you how many people I have met over the years at the farmers markets who asked about him every time I saw them, because of the impression that he left on their lives. The little old ladies from his apartment building and men from the dairy he worked at, who talked so highly of him, who made me even more proud to be his granddaughter.
I learned from him..that sometimes letting your little brother win at a game of cards was okay, that he made the best scrambled eggs in the world, and that sometimes it was okay to cry.
We had a special bond, even if we were different in a lot of ways - and I’d like to believe that in a lot ways, in the way that we loved, shared and enjoyed life - we are alike. I believe that the best parts of him live on in all of the great things and people that he’s left behind, that he’s passed on to the people he loved over the last eight decades. All of the good that he has done in his life can never be forgotten because it lives in the people and places his life has touched.
It breaks my heart to say goodbye, to let go...to hold on to the memories that tug at my heart while moving forward...but I do so knowing that he did so many wonderful things, that he was such an amazing person, whom I love so very much...and I know that he would want me to...so I am.
It's a process, there will be good days along with the not so good days..but I just have to remember these words..the one I found quite a while ago..that just..fit...so perfectly.
You can shed tears that he is gone
or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want;
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Grampa Myron
July 1926 - March 2010
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Mine gave wonderful hugs, always had an ear or three to listen to me babble with his quiet, serene nature and took me out for icecream. When I was little I would go to church with them every week - where he called me a wiggle worm becasue I could never sit still in the church pew we sat in together...and then held me in his lap while I leaned against his chest, feeling his heart beat as I calmed down and became a little less wiggly. He taught me how to keep my money organized while I was working at farmers markets, a system that is so ingrained in my mind that I'll never be able to do it any other way. He taught me how to make beautiful displays of fruits, and to always say hello and smile, no matter what. We went on roadtrips together; the cheese and/or chocolate factory (you can't do one without the other when they're down the road from each other and you've driven an hour to get to ONE) to the east coast - just the two of us. Where he showed me the farm where my father was born, where he owned a store, the church that they went to and so many of the other stories that went along with his life there. Where he taught me to love seafood, instead of hide from it. And our biggest trip - Africa. Where we saw where the oceans met, drove through the mountains and saw penguins playing in the ocean.
He always smiled his sweet smile, pulled a dog cookie out of his pocket and made friends with whatever dogs happened to be in the vacinity.
Through his gentle nature, I learned how to be patient, kind and loving. I could never begin to tell you how many people I have met over the years at the farmers markets who asked about him every time I saw them, because of the impression that he left on their lives. The little old ladies from his apartment building and men from the dairy he worked at, who talked so highly of him, who made me even more proud to be his granddaughter.
I learned from him..that sometimes letting your little brother win at a game of cards was okay, that he made the best scrambled eggs in the world, and that sometimes it was okay to cry.
We had a special bond, even if we were different in a lot of ways - and I’d like to believe that in a lot ways, in the way that we loved, shared and enjoyed life - we are alike. I believe that the best parts of him live on in all of the great things and people that he’s left behind, that he’s passed on to the people he loved over the last eight decades. All of the good that he has done in his life can never be forgotten because it lives in the people and places his life has touched.
It breaks my heart to say goodbye, to let go...to hold on to the memories that tug at my heart while moving forward...but I do so knowing that he did so many wonderful things, that he was such an amazing person, whom I love so very much...and I know that he would want me to...so I am.
It's a process, there will be good days along with the not so good days..but I just have to remember these words..the one I found quite a while ago..that just..fit...so perfectly.
or you can smile because he has lived
You can close your eyes and pray that he’ll come back,
or you can open your eyes and see all he’s left
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see him,
or you can be full of the love you shared
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on
You can cry and close your mind
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he’d want;
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
Grampa Myron
July 1926 - March 2010
♥ ♥ ♥ ♥
All You Need Is Love
I am an extremely loved, lucky indivdual.
At a time when I am feeling immense amounts of sadness, when I'm mourning the loss of an amazing man...whose hair was filled with silver and heart was filled with gold...when I'm at odds with certain people who I thought I never would be...at least not like this..There are still huge pillars of support.
People from all walks of life, who I would have never expected to come to the wake of my beloved grandfather.
Aunts, uncles, friends, school teachers, old family friends, neighbours...great aunts that I haven't seen in half a kajillion years.
They showed up en mass, to pay their respects to the quiet man they ran into on our farm, and to give us hugs and tell us they're sorry for our loss, and that they wish there was something they could do.
They can't. But by being there, they did more than I could ever imagine.
I've never thought that funerals and all of that jazz were were very important to me. To me, it's the memories I hold close to my heart. The times we've shared together mean so much more than standing around a room filled with people.
But tonight..I realized a little bit that importance.
The importance of building those communities of people who love you, who will do anything for you, who go to things that are difficult, because that's what people do.
The ones who when they don't know what else to do...send food, food and more food.
Simply because they care.
They wish they could do something to make it better, and they wish that they could take away the pain..but they know they can't...so they do what they can, and they show up, with kleenex and a hug...and perhaps a lasagne or two.
In a time when I'm questioning so much. When I'm sad, frustrated and in absolute disbelief of certain people in my life..this is what I needed. A slap in the face reminder of how loved I am. Of how loved my family is. Of how good people can be.
Perhaps I will sleep tonight, afterall.
Tomorrow is going to be another long day..before real life reminds me that the sap is flowing..and there is maple syrup to be made. Literally.
Real life doesn't slow down for the bumps, curveballs and potholes life throws you...good thing we've got enough food to feed an army. Or three.
At a time when I am feeling immense amounts of sadness, when I'm mourning the loss of an amazing man...whose hair was filled with silver and heart was filled with gold...when I'm at odds with certain people who I thought I never would be...at least not like this..There are still huge pillars of support.
People from all walks of life, who I would have never expected to come to the wake of my beloved grandfather.
Aunts, uncles, friends, school teachers, old family friends, neighbours...great aunts that I haven't seen in half a kajillion years.
They showed up en mass, to pay their respects to the quiet man they ran into on our farm, and to give us hugs and tell us they're sorry for our loss, and that they wish there was something they could do.
They can't. But by being there, they did more than I could ever imagine.
I've never thought that funerals and all of that jazz were were very important to me. To me, it's the memories I hold close to my heart. The times we've shared together mean so much more than standing around a room filled with people.
But tonight..I realized a little bit that importance.
The importance of building those communities of people who love you, who will do anything for you, who go to things that are difficult, because that's what people do.
The ones who when they don't know what else to do...send food, food and more food.
Simply because they care.
They wish they could do something to make it better, and they wish that they could take away the pain..but they know they can't...so they do what they can, and they show up, with kleenex and a hug...and perhaps a lasagne or two.
In a time when I'm questioning so much. When I'm sad, frustrated and in absolute disbelief of certain people in my life..this is what I needed. A slap in the face reminder of how loved I am. Of how loved my family is. Of how good people can be.
Perhaps I will sleep tonight, afterall.
Tomorrow is going to be another long day..before real life reminds me that the sap is flowing..and there is maple syrup to be made. Literally.
Real life doesn't slow down for the bumps, curveballs and potholes life throws you...good thing we've got enough food to feed an army. Or three.
Monday, March 8, 2010
And So It Is..
I avoid religion discussions generally as a rule.
I have a few people who I will have a general theological discussion with..but with the vast majority of the population, I avoid it.
Not because I don't have my own beliefs or ideas, I do.
And not because I look down upon whatever yours might be - because I really don't.
I just find that so many of those sorts of things are such touchy subjects for so many people, that it's easier to just avoid that topic and move on to other things. I'm one KAJILLON PERCENT okay with people believing whatever they choose to without any sort of conflict or confrontation taking place...God, Buddah, Allah, or Aliens..as long as you can show me WHY you believe....or on the other hand..why you decide NOT to...I'm down.
Death makes you sit down and question these things though.
For a long time, I've had my own little ideas of religion and beliefs. They don't fit perfectly into any one little bubble..it's basically as if I learned little things from bits and pieces of them, put them together with some morals, tied them in a bow of values and that's where I am. There is nothing that really seems to FIT with my own little beliefs. To some, it may appear that I have none, but this couldn't be further from the truth.
Needless to say, the 'Church of Erin' has some weak points in its belief system.
Not everything is exactly worked out perfectly...yet.
And I think that's okay.
Would it be easier if I could have this magical blind faith that many around the world speak of?
Absolutely.
Would I love to have all of the answers to lifes perils?
With out a doubt.
But am I still going to be okay searching and looking for answers without a major religion in my back pocket?
Yep, I am.
My patchwork ideas are okay with me...and maybe someday I'll have enough guts to share them with the world..
But for today...I will sit with the quiet contemplation and the arduous sorrow that fills my heart..filling my mind with memories of the grandest nature.
I have a few people who I will have a general theological discussion with..but with the vast majority of the population, I avoid it.
Not because I don't have my own beliefs or ideas, I do.
And not because I look down upon whatever yours might be - because I really don't.
I just find that so many of those sorts of things are such touchy subjects for so many people, that it's easier to just avoid that topic and move on to other things. I'm one KAJILLON PERCENT okay with people believing whatever they choose to without any sort of conflict or confrontation taking place...God, Buddah, Allah, or Aliens..as long as you can show me WHY you believe....or on the other hand..why you decide NOT to...I'm down.
Death makes you sit down and question these things though.
For a long time, I've had my own little ideas of religion and beliefs. They don't fit perfectly into any one little bubble..it's basically as if I learned little things from bits and pieces of them, put them together with some morals, tied them in a bow of values and that's where I am. There is nothing that really seems to FIT with my own little beliefs. To some, it may appear that I have none, but this couldn't be further from the truth.
Needless to say, the 'Church of Erin' has some weak points in its belief system.
Not everything is exactly worked out perfectly...yet.
And I think that's okay.
Would it be easier if I could have this magical blind faith that many around the world speak of?
Absolutely.
Would I love to have all of the answers to lifes perils?
With out a doubt.
But am I still going to be okay searching and looking for answers without a major religion in my back pocket?
Yep, I am.
My patchwork ideas are okay with me...and maybe someday I'll have enough guts to share them with the world..
But for today...I will sit with the quiet contemplation and the arduous sorrow that fills my heart..filling my mind with memories of the grandest nature.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Today's Rainbow
After a week of sleeping horrendously. Of being on edge...of getting those dreaded five o'clock in the morning phone calls that say 'come now, we don't know what's happening'...I finally got an early morning phonecall that made me smile.
One of my best friends EVER, my roommate for years and YEARS was calling to tell me some good news, some happy news.
Some RING news.
Yep. She gone done and did it...and got herself engaged. Or rather..he did it. Picked out a pretty ring...and a puppy ;)
And let me say - he did a good job.
Another engagement, another wedding to schedule into the books...holy crap we're growing up.
I'm so excited for her..I stopped by her place on my way home from work (before she was heading OFF to work..) and got to see the new bling and chit chat for a few minutes. She was so excited and so happy..that I couldn't help but smile and be happy and excited for her.
Amid clouds of saddness there is always a rainbow. This was my rainbow today..
All the best Matt & Rhi! xoxo
One of my best friends EVER, my roommate for years and YEARS was calling to tell me some good news, some happy news.
Some RING news.
Yep. She gone done and did it...and got herself engaged. Or rather..he did it. Picked out a pretty ring...and a puppy ;)
And let me say - he did a good job.
Another engagement, another wedding to schedule into the books...holy crap we're growing up.
I'm so excited for her..I stopped by her place on my way home from work (before she was heading OFF to work..) and got to see the new bling and chit chat for a few minutes. She was so excited and so happy..that I couldn't help but smile and be happy and excited for her.
Amid clouds of saddness there is always a rainbow. This was my rainbow today..
All the best Matt & Rhi! xoxo
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Numb
Death notices are such odd things.
Simple pieces of paper..that make everything that much more real.
How do you encapsulate 80 odd years into a miniscule section burried in a newspaper?
Married to, worked at, children, grandchildren, things they were involved in..
Almost 84 years, put into a hundred odd words. How is that even possible?
I could fill books with words.
With pictures.
With memories.
Someone decided that grief has five stages...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance...but I think that numbness comes first.
Or maybe I just skipped directly to immense sadness and that is what this feeling is that I'm feeling now.
Alas, this too shall pass..and eventually the memories will come without the tears.
I hope.
Simple pieces of paper..that make everything that much more real.
How do you encapsulate 80 odd years into a miniscule section burried in a newspaper?
Married to, worked at, children, grandchildren, things they were involved in..
Almost 84 years, put into a hundred odd words. How is that even possible?
I could fill books with words.
With pictures.
With memories.
Someone decided that grief has five stages...denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance...but I think that numbness comes first.
Or maybe I just skipped directly to immense sadness and that is what this feeling is that I'm feeling now.
Alas, this too shall pass..and eventually the memories will come without the tears.
I hope.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Ball-O-Emo-Mess
I am a rather large ball of emotional mess these days.
I am angry, sad, frustrated and confused...at the best of times.
It looks as though my grandfather is dying, and I'm not convinced that it is necessary that this was the path that needed to be taken. Decisions have been made that I ethically and morally don't agree with. Things have been said that can never be taken back.
Since Friday, I have been shown again and again peoples true colours. I'm terrified because it makes me disgusted, frustrated and at odds with humanity.
I hate seeing the worst in people, even when they may deserve it.
But I have believed for a long time that the idea of karma exists.
That people get what they give in this world...that I have to continue to be the best person I can be because of this, despite everything that has happened in the last week.
I have to believe this because if I don't, I fear I may go insane.
Especially after this.
I am angry, sad, frustrated and confused...at the best of times.
It looks as though my grandfather is dying, and I'm not convinced that it is necessary that this was the path that needed to be taken. Decisions have been made that I ethically and morally don't agree with. Things have been said that can never be taken back.
Since Friday, I have been shown again and again peoples true colours. I'm terrified because it makes me disgusted, frustrated and at odds with humanity.
I hate seeing the worst in people, even when they may deserve it.
But I have believed for a long time that the idea of karma exists.
That people get what they give in this world...that I have to continue to be the best person I can be because of this, despite everything that has happened in the last week.
I have to believe this because if I don't, I fear I may go insane.
Especially after this.
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