Bites of Heaven

One of my Swiss girls sent me an email today.

The one who co-incidentally was from the same small town that I am from. It's funny, because despite knowing multiple people in common and frequenting similar coffee shops/restaurants/farmers markets/stores/etc. we'd never met here, back home.

Instead, she was forwarded an email from me that I'd sent to a mutual acquaintance and already knew a great deal about my life in Switzerland before she'd even arrived or ever made contact with me. We were both shocked to find that we were from the same small town when we met in Zürich (and it wasn't until later that she realized I was the same girl whose emails she had read..ha!) because we co-incidentally both happened to stumble upon and work for the same, very small, aupair agency in a small suburb outside of the city.

ANYWHO.

She rambled on about what was new, how we needed to meet up and her plans for life for the next little while.

And then she started talking about things she missed, but mostly..she was talking about the Luxembergerli.


Jenn in front of the Confiserie Sprüngli at Stadelhofen



The delish luxembergerli in the flesh.


Oh how my tummy longs for them. We'd buy the worlds smallest quantities because A) We were super poor and they were super expensive... thus we couldn't afford any more than one or two on our salaries..ha. B) If you bought more than one or two you'd end up eating them all. In a matter of a very short period...and then you'd explode. And you'd probably think that it was still worth it...because yes, they are THAT good.

At this point, I just couldn't help myself. I turned into Pavlov's dog...and basically started salivating while reading her email. She talked about how she missed them so much and how she was so tempted to order some off of the internet once she had enough money. I had tried for so long not to think about them. I'd thought about the kids, the mountains, the cheese, the trains, the views, the chocolate, the music, the 200 dollar bills that made you feel rich...but I had refused to let myself think about the luxembergerli.

So what did I do?

Your darn right I went directly to the Sprüngli website and didn't pass go.

My heart did a double take as I remembered Swiss pricing. But then I remembered the sweet delicious taste of the luxembergerli. Their light, fluffy creamy inside..with their flaky yet not pastry-like outside. The way they melted on your tongue..and the flavours. Oh the flaaaaaavours. Raspberry, Chocolate, Vanilla, Champagne...Strawberry, Lemon, Stracciatella, Mocca, Lime - DOUBLE CHOCOLATE. The list goes on and on and on and then on some more. You walk into the Confiserie and all you see spread before you is a delicious feast of multi-coloured bites of heaven. The strawberry rhubarb though? Yeah - they take the cake..or in this case..the luxembergerli. Just the right amount of sweet, just the right amount of tart...and an extra dose of awesome..just in case.

I tried to recover from the fact that they wanted 45chf (basically par with the Canadian/American dollar) for the SMALL container of the little bites of heaven. PLUS SHIPPING. But all my mind could think about was how much I loved them. How much I missed them. How just one little bite would mean I could magically take myself back there for an instant - So I recovered from my near heart attack..and I had almost stopped caring how much they would cost. I went as far as to go to the order page and fill out information. I wanted NEEDED one. And since I couldn't order ONE...a box would HAVE to do.

Until I realized that they don't ship them outside of Switzerland.

Grrr.

Stupid Switzerland.

Stupid Sprüngli

Stupid little bites of amazingly delicious bites of heaven taunting me from across the ocean with their perishable nature.

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh.




..And just because I hadn't made myself swisssick enough already today..



The view from the house I lived in. The sun setting over the Zürisee..

My Very Best Becs

Some of the loveliest people that I know, I met in Switzerland.

I met a lot of great girls there - all nannies at the time...most from Canada, The US or down under in Australia or New Zealand. Bunches and bunches and oodles of great, wonderful amazing people.

Most of my REALLY close friends, the girls I hung out with ALL of the time and was inseperable from..are Canadian - which makes staying in touch relatively easy.

But then there is Becs.

My lovely Becs.

With her beautifully cute accent, bubbly personality and inability to determine time zones in Canada and their relation to her timezone in Queensland..LOL

It's funny - because today I was thinking about her - and how I missed her so much and how I needed to write her a note on creepbook and find that little peice of paper I wrote her phone number on once upon a time and catch up with her.

And then tonight..the phone rang. My Dad handed it to me and said 'it sounds like Sam' (one of my best friends little sisters) and I picked it up..said hello and was like...BECS! AS IF!

You see - Becs is basically one of the most special people ever...and I think that we've always had a special sort of friendship. No...not "special" like it's a bad thing. Special like it's an Ah-Ma-ZING thing. She has an ability to bring people together, to be friends with anyone and can make friends with EVERYONE. One of the first times I ever hung out with her...we were meeting up to go into the city after she was finished working for the evening. We'd been texting back and forth trying to figure out when the parents would get home and when she'd be FREE! It was getting late - and I didn't know what to do..the trains were only running once an hour...so did I head down to the train and hope that I could meet her and we could take that train...or did I wait at home for her to call and say she would meet me..and then leave. I decided to head down to the train station in hopes of her being here. And as I was walking down the final stretch towards the station..she calls my cell and is like 'Er-iiiiiiiin...I just got dropped off at the Herrliberg station - but you'll never make it here in time as the train comes in less than five minutes..so I'll wait here for you and we'll catch the next one in an hour!' and I was like...BECS! I'M ALMOST STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU! I'LL SEE YOU IN TWENTY THREE SECONDS! and hung up the phone. Because phone calls in Switzerland are RIDIC expensive.

And when I showed up on our platform she was like...OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIVE THAT YOU'RE HERE (you know, in the worlds cutest accent.) and proceeded to tell me how I must have the most magical PMS to have KNOWN to meet her.

After I recovered from laughing - I asked if she meant ESP..waited for her to stop rolling on the floor laughing (what - it's not gross - the Swiss are INSANELY CLEAN.) and from then..our bond, our PMS was clearly cemented.

So after thinking about her multiple times today, completely out of the blue...I wasn't THAT suprised that she called. It seems that despite being quite LITERALLY on polar opposites of the world...our PMS is still working. Working so well infact, that we proceeded to have a marathon phone chat and catchup where we both just babbled on despite the phone delays, ringing up a bill the size I'm afraid to even guesstimate and laughing as we do. We rambled about and told each other all of the fun new news about our respective lives. Hers being MUCH more interesting than mine of course - but that was fine because so much of her news was so exciting that I just couldn't be happier for her!

I'm now desperate more than ever to go and visit her..and long for the next time our paths connect and I get to see her lovely self again. My face is etched with a permenant grin from lovely little chat we had and I'm more nostolgic than ever.

Time to start counting my pennies. I miss my Becs and now more than ever just want to jump on a plane and go visit her. I miss the train rides we'd have throughout the Swiss countryside out to the 'burbs of Zürich. I miss our random daytrips - like the one to Liechtenstein. And I miss stuffing our face with cheeseburgers as we ran through the hauptbahnhof in Zürich...laughing our faces off about something or another.


Becs, Jenn & Julia - "How do you think we get to Lichtenstein from here? The "Liechtenstein BUS" or something? Ha ha...Oh."


So disappointed that we couldn't stand beside a "Welcome to Liechtenstein" sign - so my darling Becs made one of course!


Posing infront of the "highly secured" residence of the royal family - who likes to BBQ...hahah!


Becs uses extend-a-straws and drinks off of plates. Told you she was special.


Becs, Me, Marissa & Jenn - Three of my absolute FAVOURITE "Swiss" girls - at Bec's goodbye party - oh how I miss her!

One day, a day not too far from now..I can only hope that our "Magical PMS" will bring us together again for a glorious reunion...ensuring that this blog will have oh so many more stories to keep it going on for years to come!

Das Ist Sehr Gut

The other day I opened Itunes and sighed.

Same old boring music.

Then I went to my other computer.

Eh. Not so interesting music either.

So I decided to peruse the in-tra-net in hopes of finding a half decent radio station to listen to live. But then I got angry..because I really don't CARE about some new special on fake n' bake tans or lumber or whatever else the adverts were trying to sell me. I just wanted to listen to some MUSIC. And when the radio stations finally did start playing music..it wasn't even that GREAT. It was just..eh. Okay..ish.

Way to let me down world.

Then I started getting all nostolgic...Remembering how in Zürich the radio station was just so awesome. Yeah, the radio STATION. Not stations. There are like, four radio stations in all of Switzerland and they're all government funded...so there are basically zero ads on them and they just play good music and have good contests and it's amusing. At least this one that I (and virtually everyone else..) listened to did. It was really the only one that mattered anyways.

I never dreaded getting into the car because I always knew that I'd be happily listening to some good tunes while driving around. I never doubted this. Whether it was a latest song that was topping the charts, some ACTUAL classic tune from the 90's or some hilarious germans crooning words that I didn't at all understand...I was never disappointed.

I got a little woe is me thinking about it. Thinking about how much I miss Europe...but how much I REALLY miss european radio. That stuff is just awesome.

Then I decided to search for the radio station online. Since it's the biggest radio station in Switzerland...they probably would live stream it? Wouldn't they?!

..and what do you know? They DO!

And to listen to it...all I had to do was navigate the site in German and after twenty minutes of fighting with it to just let me listen for gods sake - ta-da - the euro top 40, some good old 90's tunes and the news in German. I even heard an advert for the new Stress concert. But the fact that there was some small slight ads on my favourite radio station didn't bother me. Because the only thing I understood out of the entire blip was that Stress was doing a concert. And tickets were 75 francs. The rest...was just some German babbles that was completely over my head. And I don't even mind the harsh icky sounding German anymore....kinda made me a little nostolgic and put a little smile on my face.

Who'da thunk it?

Remember When...

I've been having little...Europe twinges the last little while.

Kind of like homesickness, except..for Europe. I mean...it's worse than cutting out smoking. Not that I would really know, since I'm not a smoker and never have been. But it's completely COLD TURKEY. Europe Done. No chance of a little cobblestone in your life anytime soon little lady...it's OVAH.

Sure, I'll go back and visit places that I loved (Berlin - I. want. to. have. your. babies.) and places that have a special place in my heart (Oh Paris - How I loved you and the memories you gave me - 'thank god it's not rats' --2.5 seconds later --> 'OH GOD IT IS RATS') and the places I've yet to make it to (Yeah I'm talkin' to you: Stockholm, Copenhagen, Warsaw, Moscow, Edinburgh, Crete, Istanbul, Sicily, Le Havre, Luxembourg & SO MANY OTHER PLACES - me and you gots us a DATE in the future and it's gonna be AWESOME.) Don't get me wrong..I went A LOT of places. I did a lot of fabulous things..and saw even more wonderful, breathtaking things than most people get to see in their lifetimes. I had an awesome year, and it's even more awesome in hindsight because I think about the travelling I did and the adventures I had (Last time I counted...I'd visted almost twenty countries in a YEAR - FOR FUN - WHO DOES THAT?!) and those memories will stay with me forever and let me tell you..they were awesome.

But still...I would sit here and creep all of the girls I knew who were still in Switzerland. And I would creep the girl who replaced me to see how much fun she is having. I would sit here and think about how much fun I had travelling..and would think about how much I missed being there.

And then, today, I talked to my replacement. I've chatted with her a couple times...and we've sent a couple emails back and forth. All of these seemed very happy, positive and very little reference to any sort of problems or difficulties that she may have been having. Now, a part of me hoped that this was because there WEREN'T any problems. But another (very selfish and very insecure) part of me worried that she was doing a way better job and had figured out how to manage that family better than I could. That I had been over-exagerating. That the things that were conflicts and problems and issues when I lived in that house..were actually with ME instead of with the job and with THEM. That my entire year there had just been a big ole giant social experiment which proved that I suck.

So I sat on my chair here, and worried and wondered about all of the possibilities. It comes as no surprise to me (and, let's face it..probably anyone reading this) that I sat here and overanalyzed and overthought and of course...I wondered the things that my self-conscious, deep down nervous self thinks. Is she having more fun than I did? Do the kids love her more than they love me? Is she better at ironing than I am? Does she yell less? Have more better days? Does she question every.single.little.move. that she makes because as much as she's NOT those children's mother...she knows that one little move can screw them up even more than they already are? And...the MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION...Could she manage to find IKEA? Because I SWEAR...I tried and tried. And I never found it. That, and it was the end of the year and I was tired of being her slave and I didn't actually...erm...really try. Whoops. That one I don't really worry about..but the rest..I do.

Sitting here with my lovely rose coloured glasses on...I dreamed about all of the happy times. The kisses and the I love you's...the list that my lovely middle child made of 'why Erin would be a good mother'. The car dances and sharing icecream bites. And the travels. Oh how I remember the travels with such a fondness in my heart that it makes my rose coloured glasses so thick that I forget about all of the stuff that I hated. I tend to forget about the job PART that came ALONG with the lovely European life. With all of the things that I loved. I've been reading old blog entries..and as much as quite a lot of them are happy..there are definitely ones that are there that make me cringe. The ones about my lack of privacy, the complete and utter lack of respect. The ones about me, and the person I am...being bulldozed into the ground...and treated like garbage OVER and OVER again.

What people don't understand..is that being someones personal slave nanny makes as if you're bipolar. If you're having a good day..then life is GREAT. And if you're having a bad day..life sucks more than you could ever imagine. This was so true, but especially in that household...good days meant scoops of icecreams for dessert that cost more than you made the entire day...and goodnight kisses and kids who won't have any homework and a boss who comes home from shopping and hands you a little package and thanks you for your hard work and tells you how much the kids and her love you. Bad days means that every. single. thing. you. do. is criticized and the kids scream and cry over everything..won't eat their dinners and there are huge messes everywhere you turn. Bad days when the dog has crapped everywhere and you're trying to pull yourself together enough to make it through the next hour, the next day, the next week and you just don't know how much longer you can put yourself through it. Especially when you've worked out your hourly rate to be a whopping 4 bucks an hour once you figure in the 'overtime' that oddly enough, gets overlooked when paycheques are dispensed and you've just worked four 80 hour work weeks and only got two sets of EXACTLY 48 hours off in that ENTIRE MONTH.

This job was not unlike life. It has its ups and downs like anything else out there. There is just such a lack of control that is hard to deal with in this situation...which I guess is also similar to real life. You can't REALLY take things into your own hands..because as much as you have taken on the mothering role and do all of the things that a traditional mother DOES..that mother that you are replacing is still there watching ever move you make and judging everything that you do and wanting it done THEIR way. Which, in my opinion, for this case...is not the way. So, when you look at it from a job perspective...it's hard to validate how it could be worth it. I get wanting to be a mother, and I've always been that girl that wanted kids. But man, this has opened my eyes to an entirely different world of parenting, and I know that if I ever have kids..this experience has taught me a lot of how I would (and wouldn't) raise my own children.

And when I talked with this girl, when she called to ask me what the job was like...I was having a good day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping. The girls had no homework. Their mother had decided on a whim to take them out for sushi and into town for the evening..giving me some much desired respite (and a still clean house, that the maid had just COMPLETELY CLEANED from top to bottom) and I was getting ready to meet with some girlfriends to lie on a blanket on the edge of Lake Zurich while the sun set.

So you may see how my views were skewed on that particular day.

How I might have been like 'pssssh...it's GREAT! I LOVE IT HERE!'

But, in my defense...I did tell her about the tantrums..and the bad days..and how they're demanding and expect EVERYTHING of you. I told her things...and when I told other aupairs what I had told her..they were like...MAN! IF YOU TOLD ME THAT I'D NEVER COME!.....but until you combine what I told her...with the rest of my stories...with the rest of the things that went on in that house....it's impossible to understand. You can't completely and fully GET it until you're in the thick of it..and I knew that. But still...As much as they used me and abused me and took advantage of me...I care about those girls..and I wanted someone who would love them and take care of them and be good to them. So I told her more good things than bad..and told her that all aupairs deal with crappy circumstances..but as far as wages and weeks off go..you're lucky to be working for them because they pay the most and give the most time off out out everyone that I know. And yes, I know...that the whole lotta CRAZY that comes with the job has a heckuva lot to do with that...but as much as sometimes those kids drove me crazy...I do love all of them. Even when the seven year old like to tell me to bleep the bleep off because she bleeping hated me for bleeping making her take a bleeping shower. I'm an awful person, I know. I mean..SHOWERING. COME ON. HOW COULD I BE ANY MEANER?!?

That being said...as much as it pained me to listen to this poor girl ramble on tonight..I felt a sigh of relief that it wasn't just me. That they still are crazy. That they've ALWAYS been crazy, and it wasn't just me. That the kids are nuts. And the mother is demanding beyond belief. That she's tired of the job, exhausted and just doesn't know what to do anymore.

And then I felt this gut-wrenching-oh-my-god-what-have-I-done pain in my heart. I ENCOURAGED someone to go through this? To be that person who has to suffer through this? Yes, you get a payoff for taking on this job..but at what price? And at what price is it just not WORTH it anymore? Sure, they'll always find someone..but how could I be okay with encouraging someone to put themselves into a situation that I know is not healthy? And worse yet..I told her she'd be okay. I told her that if she wasn't..what was the worst that could happen..she'd go home and be in the same spot she'd been in last spring. I think that the worst part for me is that I DID bend over backwards for them..and I did make it harder for her to stand up to them..because I never did. I never took a stance and said what needed to be said..and my lack of action spoke louder than words ever will. All of the aupairs there took abuse and were used and hurt and never said anything. And if anyone ever did..they were reprimanded and further yet, PUNISHED as if THEY were the children..instead of the ones RAISING the children.

So I did the only thing that I could think of doing. I talked to her..and told her that it'd be okay. And I reminded her of her fabulous Greece trip that she'd returned from a few weeks ago..and talked about all of the fun places she'd get to go in the future. I reminded her that it's okay to give up and go home..and even if she didn't..that it's still okay to think about it. I gave her some things that I figured out towards the end of my year there...I joked and tried to be there for her when she was feeling frustrated, upset, lonely and down. And in the end..she thanked me and told me that it was really nice to have someone to talk to who knew EXACTLY what she was going through.

And I do.

But I still can't help but feel a tinge guilty..that even though I know that she's a fabulous person..and so good for the kids...that I helped to put her into this situation that I don't think is really healthy for ANYONE. I believe that all things happen for a reason...even if we don't know what those things are at the time. And I really hope that there was a reason for this, because she really is a sweet, loving, caring, nice person. I really just hate to think of the circumstances that make it hard for her to continue on there and my involvement in that.

So I will do my best. And make sure that she knows that I'm here..and respond to emails and remind her to focus on the good things. Because there are always good things...even if you have to look a while, put on your rose coloured glasses..and dig through years of old blog posts to find them.

Weekend Wonder

My childhood was a little different than most.

When I was five, we moved to the farm I now live on. This means that while my Mom continued working at her job as a nurse, my Dad spent his waking hours pouring his heart and soul into making this place what it is today. I can remember collecting sap to make maple syrup until it was too dark to see anymore, because that's what had to be done. I remember planting fruits and vegetables when we were all home. After school, weekends, after dinner..whenever there were enough hands to make it work.

Weekends to me didn't mean lounging around watching cartoons on Saturday morning, or shopping trips in the afternoon. They were filled with farmers markets and our busiest days of the week at our store in cottage country.

My summers in adolesence weren't filled with days at the mall, or even really days at the cottage. We try to make it over to the cottage (which, is luckily, close) after we're done for the day so that we can have dinner and enjoy a couple hours there....and as much as I cherish and love these memories...My summers were often filled with long days doing what needed to be done. My brother and I quickly learned from our parents how to pour our hearts and souls into this place too, each using our oh so different talents and skills to do what needed to be done.

My friends balk at my super-human strength (yes, I can lift lots of heavy fruit and vegetables at once, can't you?) I can chit chat with anyone about anything...and have an uncanny ability to remember faces and vegetables that people have bought weeks previously..and follow up with more chit chatter. I can drive big trucks and even back them up with some sort of accuracy. Sometimes. I know how to program cash registers and get them to work how I want them to work when they're being tempremental. I can multi-task like no other.

But taking weekends off? That's a kinda new one for me.

It was only last year that I got into the routine of having 'time off' and having 'weekends off'. Even though I only had four days off a month while I lived in Switzerland..those two weekends a month came to be cherished like there was no other. I counted down the days and hours until my 'weekend off' to zip off to Italy or France, Germany, Austria or Lichtenstein. (Betcha never been THERE!) I learned the value of weekends there. How lovely they REALLY are. And I learned just how much I hate hate HATE Monday mornings. I realized that while I do have days off at home..I seem to spend them running around doing things so much..that I had no idea how to do..nothing. Sitting on a beach? Who did that besides movie stars? You mean I can lie by the pool in the backyard for the ENTIRE day and there is NOTHING ELSE that needs to be done? REAllY? The art of relaxation escaped me...it scared me..and it tempted me with its laziness and generally lax attitude. And I loved it for that.

Sure, weekends have always been there...but going from school --> work and and work --> school and back again for the last 20+ years has made weekends kind of...wonky. It's made time off..a little known concept..and totally warped my mind of what weekends should be. Like the farm..there was always SOMETHING that COULD be done.

Then there was the fact that I was an arts student while I did my degrees...so I only ever had classes from Tuesday --> Thursday...which meant that I actually had more days off then I had school days. Which meant that those four days were either spent with friends wasting time and talking about how much work there was to do...or crunch time...when I had so many essays to write and exams to study for..I spent equal parts complaining about school work and equal parts actually doing it.

Now, once again...fall has come. Winter is on its way. The busy season at the farm has come and gone...and for the first time since 1988, I have not been in school come this time of the year. I'm doing some bookwork and other random things for the farm..but I'm not working very hard right now...and need to get my butt in gear. But, I do have plans for the weekend..none of which involve any sort of actual work.

Tonight I have a girls night with Rhi planned..where we will watch movies, eat junk food and play cards..and of course..chat each others ears off.

Tomorrow I am going out to lunch with the lovely Miss. Stephanie where we will enjoy good food and good company..chat about everything and all of the stuff that has been happening in our lives..and probably giggle about wedding planning for her upcoming 'do.

Saturday night I will kidnap two cousins, a cousin in law and their parents and take them out to a sort of surprise birthday dinner. They think that they're coming to our house for dinner but unbeknownst to them...we're taking them to a restaurant near our house that they've been wanting to go to since they moved back to Canada :)

Sunday we have a long walk planned..where we'll go wandering throughout all of the trails by the university campus...and then warm up with a hot beverage and a movie downtown :)

Sunday night..I'll watch some tv with my Daddio, catch him up on the weekend happenings in my life..and fall into bed...already dreaming of all of the lovely things that I might do NEXT weekend :)

Designer Delights

When I look back on my childhood...I realize that I had a fairly sheltered one.

Firstly..it's not entirely my fault. I lived in the middle of nowhere.

I didn't listen to a lot of the 'popular' music. Where I lived..there were two radio stations. It was either country music or the CBC. Quirks and Quarks anyone? Anyone? Can I get a HECK YA! from ANYONE in the crowd?

On top of that...we had 3.5 tv stations..if the weather was okay. It could be anywhere from 0-3.5 depending on which way the rabbit ears were facing and whether or not a storm was brewing. Half of the 90's tv references that people talk about...I'm completely, absolutely, without a doubt...in the dark about. Talk to me about Saved By The Bell..and I can deal. But when a group of 20 something girls start talking about Friday night TV specials..my schema goes DIRECTLY to (and I'm not even joking.) ROYAL CANADIAN AIR FARCE?!

Finally...I didn't even (and yes, I can hear your audible WHAT *GASP* OH NO YOU DID'N comments from the vast majority of all five (?) of my blog readers ALL THE WAY FROM HERE..AKA - THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.) know what jimmy choo's or louis vuitton or gucci or whatever other designer names were out there until I was...oh..probably...in University. Yes, I was that naive. Actually..I take that back..I knew prada and gucci (we were not completely devoid of movies in the middle of nowhere.) but a lot of those other things...I yeah, had absolutely idea about...or really...any use to know. Wearing high heels on the farm? That's just silly.

Infact, I still kind of have no use for them. Sure, some designer things are cute...but I don't base what I find cute on them.

I was actually in a Louis Vuitton store in Zurich earlier this year..

Ha - look how fancy pants *I* am. Be jealous of me. Look far I've come since my naive blank-stare-I-have-no-idea-who-these-people-are-or-why-their-crap-is-so-expensive look days. If you only knew that the only reason I ever entered designer stores was when I was running errands FOR MY BOSS. And it was SO obvious that 'one of these things was not like the other' and that one thing...was ALWAYS me.

ANYWAY. While I was waiting for someone to help me...I *of course* was browsing at things that fell into the category of 'THINGS THAT ERIN WILL NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS BE ABLE TO AFFORD' So while I was browsing....I glanced at the key chains. Did you know that Louis Vuitton sells key chains? For a mere 306 Francs (FYI - the franc is about equivilant to the CND or USD) you could get the small keychain. If you wanted the larger one..it would set you back 506 Francs. Want to know what the keychain was? How it could possibly justify costing what I paid for RENT throughout my university years? Was it gold? Diamonds? Sapphires? Rubys? Well obviously..it was a glass ball. You know, with the letters 'LV' (granted - the LV DID have sparkles on it!) on the same keychain ring. I'm not even exagerating. That's what it was..for real.

To me, this just seemed...well...to be honest...a little bit..insane.

I guess I've just never really GOT that whole thing. So I'll wear a tank top that I bought for five dollars if I think it's cute...does that make my person anything less? Of course not. My boss and her kids LOVED designer things..they THRIVED on them. Little did they know...that they gave me compliments on shirts that I'd found on clearance from WAL-MART. Ha. Suckers. They didn't know where it was from..so that cute shirt..was still cute. Even though they would never be caught dead buying clothes from wal-mart...I'm SURE. This is not to say that I don't have some issues I could battle out with walmart too..but for now...I'd rather give one conglomeration ten bucks, rather then one grand to another....but that's just me. I dunno about you..but I can just think of a lot better things to do with my other 990 dollars.

I'm tangenting as per usual.

Point is, I've never really been that big into blowing huge amounts of money on things that (in my humble opinion) don't NEED to cost that much. I don't see how I personally can justify a coach bag when there are starving children in the world, when I could put a downpayment on a house to live on...when I could think of a million other things to do with that cash...rather then buy a new bag that other people can ooh and ahh over. I guess a lot of the time..it's just not that important to me. And I don't see why these things are SO SPECIAL or SO MUCH BETTER then their counterparts. I've always just sort of avoided that scene..and never really partook in it. I'm not trying to get all up in your face if you are...but it's just..not me, and my head just never got it...and still doesn't REALLY..erm...GET it.

Generally..I've grown up with things being pretty average and there not being a lot of those extra things that are super expensive simply because they have a certain tag on them in my life.

That is, until...I moved to Switzerland. Land of designer purses, private helicopters to go skiing instead of taking the skilift..and THE BEST CHOCOLATE IN THE WORLD.

I came home..actually with a stronger dislike for designer purses. Try following two thirteen year olds - from the allowed, but still within visible glaring distance, six feet minimum - who were oh so full of themselves while they flitted around the Flughafen (airport) with their designer purses that are worth more than you make in a month (not bitter. not bitter. not bitter.) while you, the dutiful nanny tried to maneouver more luggage that could EVER be used in a single weekend out of the country for two teenagers. Then tell me that you don't hate designer purses for making you, with your multiple degrees, hard work ethic, morals and values less superior because you're not the one carrying the designer bag.

I also wondered why it was so necessary to spend fifty grand in a day for someone to fly you to the top of the mountain which you could barely navigate down alive.

But, after living in the beautiful Schweiz for a year...I have realized the value of...chocolate.

The value of designer purses and clothes are lost on me. I'm rather blaise about it all. I could live without reality tv and all of the extra frivolous things that our lives are surrounded with these days..I could give up all of the fancy things that for generations before us...all of our ancestors lived without.

But my Swiss chocolate?

No.

I cannot.

I refuse.

That is simply non-neogotiable.

Absolutely, one HUNDRED percent...without a doubt...not happening.

And now..you all can think that you understand..you've had Lindt..you've had Swiss chocolate..but the chocolate there? It's not the same. Even the Lindt. It's just, simply, without a doubt..better there. And getting chocolate directly from the Sprungli stores..there is nothing that I've ever experienced in North America that even STARTS to come close to that. Belgium chocolate is good..but it isn't Swiss.

There is a little bit of Switzerland that will always live with me...and it lives directly in my hips. And I'm totally okay with that..because it is THAT GOOD. If you think that I'm exagerating..I double dog dare you to get on a plane RIGHT now and go try it for yourself. And while you're at it..bring me back some too.

I've been going through withdrawal in the last 3.5 months being home...my chocolate supply..ran out. Sad. Sad. SAD. It's kind of pathetic..because I brought home AN ENTIRE BACKPACK full of chocolate. I actually got stopped at security and they searched my bag because there was NO WAY that someone was bringing THAT MUCH CHOCOLATE with them.

I've given up eating most of the chocolate here..because it just doesn't satisfy my love for chocolate. It's just not the same. I, hate to admit it...but I have a become, a 'designer' chocolate SNOB.

Except for these ones that I bought tonight. They are the closest thing to the 'real thing'. The chocolate that has the qualities that will allow me to call them chocolate. Rich, but not too rich. Creamy, but not too creamy. Good flavour..not waxy..and just..melt in your mouth drool worthy stop-me-if-you-can good.

I have been sheltered from many things in my childhood...I missed a lot of those 'omg, lyke, totaaaaally' things that were MUST HAVES..and that's okay. I actually prefere it that way.

I dipped my toes into the world of the rich and fabulous and the lifestyle that goes with it. But to me..the only thing that was REALLY worth keeping out of ALL of that? The thing that I want, that's worth it, that makes life better?

Darn right it's the chocolate.

Hollywood Hopeful

Somebody stole my gig.

The jerks went and lived my life, read my mind, wrote a screenplay, convinced famous actors to do their job and made a movie of my life last year.

All before it even HAPPENED.

I spent the day being a bum and watching movies and willing myself to get out of bed..and it was desperately needed.

Then I watched the movie the Nanny Diaries..which I hadn't seen since I myself WAS a nanny...and as much as I had seen quite a few similarities between the movie and my life then...as I watched today...it was a little more then surreal and a little frightening just HOW similar my life last year was to the main characters.

Between the designer bags, the misbehaving children, the demanding employers...and the SHOES..(oh the shoes!)....it could have been my life. Well, if you switched The Hamptons with St. Tropez & St. Barth ...THEN it REALLY was my life. For real yo.

Brief tangent: Are things automatically better and more loved by the rich and fabulous if their names start with St? Maybe I should change my name to St. Erin? Not blasphomous at ALL or anything :P Although..do I really want them to love me? Because that might mean that I'm being their glorified slave again..uh oh!

ANYWAY. It was just such an eye opener..to watch my life in movie form. I mean, I had watched the film before. The first time I actually watched it..it was in Deutsch. And because my German is SO HORRIFIC the girls were all like HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING every 2.5 miliseconds while we watched..and it took everything I had not scream back that I knew what was happening BECAUSE IT WAS THE SCRIPT FOR MY LIFE ON A DAILY BASIS.

I watched it later with the settings changed to English..and even more hit home..but today..it was just like..Whoa. When you're in this world..where everyone has a Nanny..and you're just a part of 'that group' of childcare providers..it's kind of a surreal sort of life. When you're the ones the kids say their goodnights and their I love you's to every night..When you're the one scraping nutella off of EVERYTHING, including the oh-so-impractical white couches.. When you're the only one that knows what vegetables they'll eat and which best friend is on the 'i'm not talking to you' list each week..and you put up the late nights, the kids crawling into your bed in the middle of the night and the way too early mornings to make cupcakes for birthdays at school. When you're doing all this...when they aren't even your own children...it's just..different. It's not like they were MY kids..and it's not like I know what it's like to raise my own children..but I do know what it's like to raise someone ELSES.

So as I watched..I sat there and thought to myself..how did I put UP with that for a WHOLE year? Seriously? I let myself BE THAT PERSON? That person that they make a movie of because it's so surreal that it's RIDICULOUS? Of course I know on some level..why I stuck it out. You see...I'm stubborn, I can't give up on things..and okay..yes...there were SOME good things to living in Zurich for a year. An entire city filled almost entirely with guys in suits? How could I POSSIBLY complain?

And yes, I loved the kids..there is a line where Scarlett Johansson says (and I'm paraphrasing here - because I can't remember the quote) something along the lines of the fact that no one would understand because they're not a part of it, and that she loves the child she's taking care of..and that's why she can't leave. Luckily for me, I had a contract and a visa that made it so that I couldn't stay. But the thing is..even though my contract was flimsy at best, and they didn't stick up to THEIR end of it...I did stick it out. Because I did (erm - do?) love them. Despite the headaches, hassle and high blood pressure that they often caused..I really do. I put my heart and soul into raising them...and even though it only was for a year..I couldn't just walk away from that in the middle of the year...despite ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that DID come along. I stayed because I knew they'd be even more screwed up when they grew up if yet another person in their life left them and disappointed them. I couldn't do that..despite so many msn conversations where people tried to convince me that it just wasn't worth it..aupair meetings where we spent our mornings comparing sick childrens symptoms and previous transgressions...and phone calls home crying at 4am that I was exhausted and just didn't know what to do anymore...I stayed.

There MAY have been other reasons why I stayed...but because this is MY blog and I control what's written here..it shall be noted that I did it because I loved the kids. Oh, and MAYBE those nine sweet sweet weeks of paid holidays to travel Europe. That was a slight perk, maybe a little bit of the reason I felt compelled to stay. But just a little one.

....Or maybe, just a LITTLE teensy bit..because I'm a sucker for torturing myself. But it was mostly the kids I'm telling ya.

ANYWAY. To get off the tangent truck....So now, not only are the aformentioned gig stealers now awesome and RICH, but they also have the ability to TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE. I'm so tempted to stomp my feet and scream at the injustice of it all...money, power, sweet movie gigs...AND TIME TRAVEL. They leave NOTHING for me. Nothing. I spend the entire year researching..wiping runny noses, being verbally abused, having to watch high school musical on repeat..and what do I get? Nothing. Not even get one stinkin' little MOVIE DEAL? Not. Fair.

I was about throw in the towel and become that crazy lady who wanders around screaming about how life isn't fair...when I realized..that there is still the possibilty that I could write the sequel. Nobodys written 'Nanny Diaries: Abroad' yet...and I bet no one else has some of the stories I do...I mean..really..who else was in charge of three young girls who stole champagne to have a 'disco in a hottub on the roof'...and then proceeded to WASH THEIR HAIR WITH A FIVE HUNDRED DOLLAR BOTTLE OF BOOZE when it was too much for them to drink...throw the bottle over the roof of the hotel into the Rhine to hide all evidence and lied their faces off until the little one was given a plea bargin to give up the other girls for her freedom. And no punishments were put into place anyways.

Wow - I just made myself sound like the worst nanny EVAH. Let it also be noted that the aformentioned weekend was my weekend off - and they were in the charge of their mother - not me, the qualified and AWESOME nanny.

That is only ONE of my stories from THE FIRST WEEK I LIVED WITH THEM. I've got so much material to work with..I'll probably have to make at LEAST three movies.

I'd be a little worried about them claiming that I breached some sort of confidentiality and them sueing all of the mad cash that I will presumably make on said films..but seeing as though they saw no resemblence what-so-ever with themselves in the FIRST movie..I'm pretty sure that my future earnings are safe.

Score.

Screenplay writing commencing...now. That clearly follows my random career path of teacher --> nanny --> farmer. Might as WELL throw script writer in there too.

Hey Hollywood? Watch out! Here I come!

Simplicity

Well, I've been procrastinating again...

Blogging has not been at the fore-front of my mind...as I've been rather busy the last month (how has it been a month since I've been home?!) and I've been enjoying the last little bits of what is apparently summer before I settle in for winter at home..

To update, I'm working on adjusting to being home. It's definitely a process...where everything feels familiar..yet nothing feels the same at all. It's hard to explain unless of course you've been through this..but even if you have..everyone experiences and feels things differently...so as much as I have people who know what I'm going through..sometimes I feel like my head is spinning...and I think that I've come to the conclusion that that's okay..because my poor little brain has a lot of stuff to process. As much I've settled back into my 'old' life..things are constantly keeping me on my toes and my mind is constantly trying to figure out everything..

So, I've been spending my days working, spending time with lovely friends and trying to organize my life...or in true Erin fashion...AVOIDING organizing my life.

It's crazy to think that not that long ago I was bopping around Europe, I was country hopping on weekends, watching the sun set over lake Zurich and enjoying the benefits of a completely different lifestyle..

Now I'm back home, and it's a polar opposite. The house is never spotless, we never eat veal for dinner..people pronounce w's correctly...and I think I smile more.

I wondered how I would do, going from the big metropolis of Zurich, with it's fabulous transportation system, a host of friends nearby, a big city's attractions and lots of interesting things to do and places to go..

I mean, I live..here. In BUCKHORN. Where I'm not even sure what the big things to do are...I mean...sometimes we order in Chinese from the one takeout restuarant that exists here..and that's pretty exciting.

But, it's home.

It has my family, who I forgot just HOW much I love chatting with about everything and anything...It has wonderful old friends who I swear just keep getting better and better...It has a job that I love more than anything...It has my puppy, who loves me for me unconditionally...It has beautiful sunsets, girls nights, car rides, euchre, radio in english and so so so so so so much more.

So tonight, I could be in Zurich..where I'm sure something fun and exciting is happening..

But instead, it's 9pm..and my family has gone to bed because they've all worked ridiculously hard all day...we had dinner together, and chats together...I've talked to wonderful friends on the phone..I've tried to clean my room some more and instead, danced around my room to songs on the radio. So for now...I'm now enjoying my evening, eating green olives from the jar while watching wheel of fortune...

And for the moment...despite the whirlwind of fun that my last year was..and how simple and quaint this moment might seem...I am completely and totally content. Maybe it takes being away to see this...and maybe it will get old..but for the moment at least...life can't get much better than this.

Home Again, Home Again...Jigitty Jig.

After two weeks of bopping around Eastern Europe I made my way back to Zurich and spent my last night in Europe pulling an all nighter. I'm not REALLY sure how smart that was..my theory was that I'd get to spend some time with a friend who I love dearly and won't get to see very often once I was back home..and the other was that maybe I'd sleep on the plane and be able to switch over my sleep schedule with relative ease.

So, I spent the evening talking, playing cards and laughing...moving in slow motion to get the final loose ends put together so that I could get on a flight home.

After an extended plane ride (horray for them FIXING the mechanical errors AS we were sitting on the plane waiting to take off..:S) I finally touched down at Pearson International Airport in Toronto..

To find my two best friends (and my faaaaaavourite little boy) waiting to pick me up from the airport with glittery welcome home signs and big hugs all around :) I got my ear chatted off by a four year old who I think had been secretly bottling up EVERYTHING he could think of to talk to me about for an entire year and saving it until he finally saw me again.

It's the weirdest feeling to go home after a year away..I really don't think that words can explain it..when I left my Dad said that "everything will feel familiar, but just be different enough to not be familiar at all" and, like always, he's SO right.

Now I'm running around trying to get caught up on sleep, trying to balance all of the friends and family that I want to see, and trying to jump back into doing some work too.

I've met up with my grandfather and had lunch with him, spent a good deal of time talking on the phone with people I hope to see soon, have made tentative dates to meet up with old friends that I haven't seen in years and have hung out with my best friends every day since I've been home. I've slept on Jenna's couch after sitting around being our normal goofy selves...and I've sat in my Dad's office chatting like we use to in the good old days and laid on the bed in my parents room telling my mom a little bit of everything. I met up with an old friend who I hadn't seen in years and years...and sat in Tim Hortons having a marathon catch up coffee date with Rhiannon.

It's been a good 4 days home...and I'm excited for all of the things to come...but for now...I'd better jump in the shower and get my butt into gear because there are things to be done and work is calling my name.

For now, I leave you with a cute photo we took on Monday...



My two best friends, me, and my favourite "little" boy.
(Jenna, Me, Nicholas & Rhiannon)

Welcome Home

I'm soon moving back to my sweet, quaint and hopefully peaceful existence in Canada after an entire year away in my psuedo-home just outside of Zurich..

I've gotten so into the habit of blogging in this form though..that I don't know if I can really end my 'blogging' story here..and it just doesn't feel right to continue to update my Switzerland blog about random things when I'm not..in Switzerland...I just feel like this is a completely new chapter of my life all over again..even if it is "just" to go home.

I'm going home with a new love for home...for the people, the places and the things there...I'm going home with a newfound appreciation..with new goals, and ideas and perspectives..

Sometimes it scares me, sometimes I don't want this particular European adventure to end..and sometimes I just want to be home more than anything..

If nothing else though..I know that I have a newfound love and respect for making the most of things, for living each day, each moment and cherishing it. For going above and beyond to do the things that make ME happy, and I think that more than anything..this blog will be a record of the happy things in my life that make me love my life in Canada.

Just because I'm going home, doesn't mean that the adventures have to end..and that's what this blog will get to do...But don't worry..I'm sure I'll have another blog dedicated to another travel destination at some point or another!