Frustration

Note: I wrote this post a little while..perhaps even weeks ago now...and just now found it sitting in my 'drafts' folder - although it's not necessarily as relevant to TODAY persay, a great deal of it is still is relevant to life in general..so thus, today you get ramblings from the inner workings of Erin's brain when she happened to be in a little bit of a mood. Consider yourself warned.

Todays Letter is F, and the word of the day is frustration.

Sometimes I just find myself in a perpetual state of frustration.

Frustration with people - because they just don't get it. They don't get what's going through my head, why I think the way I do, why I do things the way I do or why I am the way I am. I'm me. That's all I can be. I'm so tired to bending over backwards to try and please EVERYONE and always coming up short. It's as if I've gotten to the point where I've tried and tried and tried and tried and it's never been good enough for ANYONE...so now I just am sitting on the side of the curb, I've thrown my hands in the air and I just don't care anymore. I know that I'm losing people in my life because of it...but I don't know if I can even be bothered anymore because I'm just so frustrated with it always being like this. I'm tired of trying to do everything and leaving myself short. I'm tired of always going out of my way to do extra things and special things - and instead of just toning it down a little - I seem to have just sunk into a black hole of nothing. I'm spent, I'm tired, and I can't think or focus on anything or anyone anymore. I just want to hide from everything - and yet again, no one gets it and I just continually feel like a giant ball of failure. Even when I do manage to get my stuff together, it's never good enough for anyone - let alone lasts long enough to satisfy anyone. All I want to do is hide from everyone, but I can't do that either - so I'm stuck here in limbo - with no idea where the door is.

I'm frustrated with the world...knowledge is power, but it also has the tremendous power to put a heavy burden on your shoulders. Feeling as though there are so many things that could be done, if only people opened their eyes and gave a damn. And feeling powerless to do anything, feeling like anything you can do is so miniscule that it doesn't matter anyways. Even if I KNOW that it would and does. Wanting to do more, to BE more - and never having (making?) enough time, energy or money to do what your heart dreams of being able to do. So many sad stories, so many heartbreaks - and so little that can be done. Watching and participating in things that waste so much time, effort and who knows what else for things that just don't matter in the long run - when there are so many other things out there that need a new idea, a new thought, a helping hand or a hug.

And...as always, frustration with myself, for a million and a half different things that is kind of pointless to even think about getting into here. Wanting to be a better person, but never being that. Wanting to make changes, to make things better - wanting to do more and be more and getting stuck in this endless cycle of frustration - and then getting angry at the cycle of frustration instead of doing something about it.

And now I'm sitting on the internet writing about it instead of doing something about it.

Cue: A new cycle of frustration. Gah.

Some News

Last week I talked vaguely about the life and times of rumours in a small town...

And well, dear internets...I have some news.

I start classes this week.

What classes you may ask?

Classes of the prenatal variety.

Which means that unless you've been hiding under a rock - you can PROBABLY guess what that means.

...

.....

........

Yeah.

If you guessed that my cousins sister is a big wig at Harvard, her mom is watching the world cup in South Africa and her husband is advancing his future by finishing his post grad in another city - and I'm left to be my pregnant cousins prenatal class partner - then you're DEFINITELY right on the money.

If you thought that I was pregnant and that's what the rumours are about - then I can only assume that you have indeed been hiding under a rock and tell you without a doubt in my mind that you were WRONG. Sucka.

Had you worried for a second there - didn't I?

You may now go back to trying to resume your breathing at a natural pace, telling your heart to quit racing and calm down with the knowledge that I'm not procreating...yet.

Although I'm sure that after these classes - the chances of me EVER wanting to have my own children will be drastically diminished.

I hear that the only reason they get people to take the classes ANYWAYS is 'cause they're already knocked up ;)

What's in a keyword..

So a while ago I signed up for google analytics. It was new, it was hip, it was...fun. I guess? It's interesting to see who comes to visit your blog and from where...but I don't entirely understand the results all of the time...so I don't spend too much time bumming around on it. Infact, I hadn't been on it in as long as I could remember...so when I quite literally stumbled across it I was like...ooh! Let's go look and see.

Found out a few things - Like I have more random secret readers than I thought. Yeah - I know about you! The secret is out! Liklihood is that I probably secretly creep you too - so I know what it's all about.

But I also discovered this little thing about 'keywords' - which I guess is what people type into google and then come across your blog via.

And I laughed.

Because I had some pretty fun keywords.

Ones that I was like...uhh...how the heck is this even REMOTELY related to ANTYHING that I've EVER written?

So I went back and looked at the entire history of google keywords and these are a few that I found:

whatthehellarewedoingtoday - Dude - I have no idea what you're doing today! Sorry! And yeah. All one word.

"the nanny diaries" - Man - If I had any writing capabilities I'd SO pitch 'The Nanny Diaries Two - I'm totally sure I could do it..right?

what things bump in the night that are canadian - Sorry man..I dunno either - I hear beavers have pretty good eyesight - so I'm just about as stummped as you..

l'arrivé du 1$ au canada - which basically means 'arrive in canada with one dollar' - and if that's true - I'm sorry you just spent that dollah at an internet cafe looking at my blog - whatcha gonna do now?! I don't know who you talked to before you came..but contrary to popular belief..things are expensive here and reading my blog is not going to make you rich. I know, bummer.

But my FAVOURITE - BY FAR? The one that happened YESTERDAY?

Someone came to my blog looking for 'sterilized cheese'.

how. awesome. is. that.

I have no idea what the heck anything I've ever written has to do with sterilized cheese - but I'm so happy that it in some way does..because that's just buckets of awesome and hilarity.

So to the person in Iran looking for sterilized cheese - I'm sorry I couldn't be more of a help - I hope all of your grandest dairy dreams and wishes come true someday!

Forgetful....Something.

Last weekend I stopped by the hardware store to buy some fireworks for the first long weekend of the season that had been upon us.

As I was perusing the fireworks another display up near the front cash registers caught my eye. As I made my way over to that section - one of the cashiers, a young girl with dark brown hair stopped me in my tracks.

With an 'OH! MY! GOD!

To which I of course responded "Yes?".

But then she started gushing. And talking. And asking me personal questions about my family. While using their names. And then she used MY name.

And then I got freaked the hell out - who WAS this girl? What did she want from me and WHY THE HECK DID SHE KNOW SO MUCH INFORMATION ABOUT MY LIFE?

After making small talk which didn't pertain to anything in particular (staying away from the details helps when you have no idea who you're talking to, yet they still know you) she had to deal with another customer so I slipped off back to the previous fireworks display.

My cousins husband started questioning who the girl was and how I knew her - and quite literally the only answer I could give him was that I had NO idea what-so-ever.

As I came up to the cash registers to pay, I was like..Oh jeeze..please don't let her be my cashi-Aw, crap. Too late.

She started talking again - asking about my time in europe and then started talking about herself.

I was like...oh no...danger zone..danger zone...I don't know what she's talking about...and then while I was trying to figure out how to get out of there without her realizing I had NO idea who she was she was like 'yeah, did you know that Spencer had a baby!?' and I was like 'No - I had no idea' and she started talking about how CUTE the baby was and how she was so sweet and blah blah blah - And I'm all - I don't KNOW any Spencers - I vaguely know one who is a few years younger than me, but why the heck would I care if he had a baby - and he couldn't have had a baby because I defintely know his ex-girlfriend and she DEFINITELY didn't have a baby - let alone have a baby 18 months ago.

So I rack my brain and by this point she's telling me something about her parents - and in my head I'm all..dude..why would I know your parents?

And then suddenly it hits me.

Yeah - the fact that I love self absorbed teens that talk about themselves...because I just put the pieces together.

It's Christine, who has a sister named Julia and a brother named ...DING DING DING!....Spencer!

All of whom I use to babysit....

Suddenly it all fell into place.

I still see their parents around and about on a regular basis - but haven't seen the kids in YEARS....so between the fact that they've grown up - and the fact that she now has black hair instead of blonde - it kinda makes sense that I didn't recognize her.

But it kinda means that I'm officially REAL old - 'cause the kids that I BABYSAT are now having kids.

I hear that memory loss happens as you get older..but sheesh.

Crap. Please excuse me while I go get my de-wrinkler-cream....I totally forgot about it.

Swiss Love

Sometimes things are so the same, and it's just so awesome.

Of course - this isn't always the case - and even if sometimes things APPEAR to be the same...they aren't...that's just a fact of life.

But a couple of weeks ago (when the blogging fail BEGAN) my friend flew down from northern Ontario to spend a few days here before she jetted off to Cuba. A friend from the lovely land of Swiss who I spent countless days having adventures, making good food with and complaining to about the horrid slave I had become.

She spent a few days hanging out with her brother in a city not TOO far from here, and then made her way to Toronto before she grabbed another one of our 'Swiss' girls and made their way here to my humble abode.

And as they called me for directions as they drove hopelessly lost through my city I couldn't help but smile. It was typical. The laughter was infectious - I was excited.

I stood on the front stoop waiting for them - and when they finally arrived we rejoiced on the driveway, we laughed and we all were talking way too fast about everything and anything inbetween.

We made our way into the house where we ate too much food. Laughed too hard and caught up on all of the adventures we've been respectively having in our lives since we parted ways in Zurich months ago.

We reminissed, we talked about the future and we clinked our glasses with such familiarity that it was as if we'd never been apart.

It had been months (almost a YEAR) since the three of us had been together...and it was hard to believe that it had been that long..because it was just one of those things that automatically fell back into place.

The house was a little different, the food was a little different and the surroundings were a little different - but us? The self proclaimed 'non sexual, heterosexual polygamist love triangle' - we fell right back where we left off. It was as if the last 9 months hadn't happened. As if we were back sitting on the edge of lake Zurich, meeting in the hauptbanhof for a night of freedom, or watching Marissa roll around on the floor because she'd eaten too much and didn't know how to stop and was now writhing in excruiating pain while eyeing the chocolate fondu sitting on the kitchen table.

It was so familiar. It was so lovely...and at a point...we all just...stopped. Looked at each other...and were like..this is weird. In a GOOD way. But still just...weird. How is it possible that things just slip back to where they left off? That we all still had so much to talk about? That we all loved each other just as much as we did a year and a continent ago? It was so nice to just surround myself in the warmth of people who I love, who understood what I was thinking before I said it...who love me unconditionally and laugh at my stupidity at me with me.

Now all I need is for someone to fly my (preggers!!!) Aussie to me, a couple of gals to the east and perhaps a Kiwi or two and I'm set. For REAL.



Oh the triangle - LOVE!



I love Jenn for many reasons - but probably the best one is the fact that she would play tradsies with me for gelato in Prague. Yeah we did. Mango and chocolate? BEST COMBO EVAH.



<3<3<3



Some of my faaaaaavourite Swiss girls - I couldn't have survived without them - and miss them so!


Europe withdrawal symptoms suck. And they never seem to go away...but the longings for those friends? Those friendships? Killer dude. Killer.

Life Is Good

This weekend was a long weekend in the 'great white north'...you know...to celebrate a queen who died a LONG ASS TIME AGO in a country that isn't our own.

We're cool like that - don't judge.

I don't usually do anything for this long weekend - and spent the week thinking I wouldn't really do anything and wondering if tentative plans with some friends might work out or not...by Thursday night at like, midnight we were trying to rush and figure out and finalize what we were doing for the weekend, if anything.

Thus, our plan went a little like this:

Erin: "Whatcha wanna do this weekend?"
Carly: "Absolutely nothing"
Erin: "Wanna do it at the cottage on the dock?"
Carly: "YEP!"

So we went. We ate WAY too much food (95% of my pics from the last two days would make you go NOM NOM NOM and then drool.) and played games, we talked until I basically lost my voice (I now sound like a pubesent boy...for realz.) and sat on the end of the dock reading trashy magazines that I haven't read for so long.

It was just the two of us and we laughed, shared stories and chit chatted until what felt like forever. It was relaxing - we did virtually nothing except chill on the dock, go for walks and sit on the deck.

It was exactly what I needed and I'm SO glad she made the trek the three hours to my cottage to visit! It always amazes me how much we have in common, how we can talk about nothing and EVERYTHING and NEVER run out of things to talk about..how it's never awkward or weird and we can just swap stories about things that have been happening in our lives like we do it on a daily basis...we can talk about travelling on our european adventures. (which so few people really GET) We can talk about our families and our lives and the things that are going on in them, and we can talk about politics and world events and things "that we've read...somewhere".

It was exactly what I needed - A weekend to do..nothing...with one of my favourite girls EVER. Even though we didn't REALLY take advantage of the long weekend and she headed back today instead of us staying another night it was just...perfect.



We chit chatted in the living room with a fantastic view



We ate icecream



We took cute pictures - to prove that we were both there ;)



We chilled in the beauty of the cottage on the dock!



AND - We played with fire!

It was a perfect weekend.

But even more perfect? We're having dinner with the fam tonight - With nothing less than surf & turf, laughter, carrot cake AND fireworks - the perfect end to a perfect weekend.

Life is good folks - life is good.

Turn That Frown..

I'm living with my cousin right now and it's good - but the thing is...lately I've just been feeling lethargic, tired, like I have the world sitting on my shoulders.

It's draining beyond belief to be sitting here overthinking E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.....ALWAYS.

Then the other night I went out to dinner with a couple of friends of my cousins that were in town for a night from Halifax and we laughed, chatted and shared stories like we were old friends - even though I'd only met them mere hours before. It was so nice to just relax and chill and enjoy each others company - even though they weren't old friends...we just got along so well and it was such a nice enjoyable evening.

To be honest - I needed it.

Things in so many places of my life have just been such high stress situations lately that I needed a place with people in which I could just be myself and enjoy myself...and I took full advantage of that.

It was the perfect evening....good food, good company..and one liners that had you trying not to pee your pants. Even some coming from ME. Yeah. ME! Who knew that exhaustion made me hilarious?!

It felt like one of the few times since I've been back in North America that I've actually....been myself. Really, truly and honestly been myself. No holds barred, not overthinking everything I think or say or do and actually enjoying myself instead of trying to convince myself that I'm enjoying myself. It was amazingly refreshing, revitilizing and eye opening.

Eye opening because I just realized how much I need to take deep breathes, how much I need laughter in my life and how happiness is worth more than...anything.

So that night, while I was falling asleep with a smile on my face...I made a decision; To be happy, to smile, to embrace all of the good things in life and discard the rest.

Life is just too short. There are too many things that aren't worth it. There are so many things that I want to do, to be, to love...that I don't have time for the stupid things...it's just not worth it.

I mean...for crying out loud...I'm TWENTY FOUR and have my ENTIRE LIFE ahead of me.

I can be whatever I want, I can do whatever I want...I'm in control of my life...I can choose to not let the crap get me when I'm down. I can choose to smile and have a conversation that brightens my soul. I can CHOOSE to be happy and enjoy the good things...and I WANT to do that.

Then yesterday, I proceeded to talk to some wise older-than-me women who confirmed what I thought. Who gave me the courage to go forward and not feel selfish for feeling the way I felt. Who re-affirmed the good things, clucked and told me it was all okay, that it would all be okay, and that it was just a part of growing up. Who talked to me as if I was their peer, instead of someone 20, 30, 40 years their junior. It was refreshing to talk openly with people who GOT it. Who understood what I was thinking, what I was going through and who shared my thought process. People who I could have these fun chats and debates with, who I didn't feel were bored with what I was saying or wished that I would talk about something a little...less intense.

I just feel like this massive shift is happening in my life...and even though I despise change...for once...well...I'm a little excited. But that could just be the exhaustion speaking....I'll keep you up to date.

The Addict

I'm getting a little frustrated.

You see - I've been hooked on a few too many tv shows. Quite frankly, I blame Europe.

Don't understand my logic? WELL - Try working a split shift EVERYDAY FOR WEEKS STRAIGHT. You work from 7am until 9-10am and then from 4pm until 10pm (or 11, or 12, or whenever the hooligans felt like falling asleep, doh).

Point being - IT MESSES WITH YOUR MIND.

Then - don't have a weekend off - no, just work through those too - oh - but work 12-18 hour days instead. And for fun, let's throw in a day of skiing through the Alps (I know, boohoo me) and overtired children and needing to be a zombie.

It means that you need distractions. And because you've got from 9-10am until 4pm OFF of work, everyone back home is just starting their days. If you're lucky you catch someone at 3am before they've gone to bed (doubtful - but amusing when it happens) or they sign in just as you're heading off to pick up the kids from school. Not so good for the social life - and since everything in Switzerland is SUPER EXPENSIVE - your choices for doing anything or going anywhere are pretty darn limited. Like - super limited if you want to have ANY money left over for your awesome weeks of holidays - which is the real reason you're there anyways - so you're trying not to blow it on on a five dollar CAN of coco-cola (True dizzle - I once did this.)

So I spent a lot of time moaning and complaining to my nanny comrads (love.) and watching far too much illegally streamed tv. Thank YOU, Megavideo.

But after watching the one or two shows I watched on a regular basis I got bored. I read of course, and talked on the phone, walked around the village, took some beautiful photos - and then was like...hmm...I gots me another 49 weeks to kill...what in the world am I going to do during the day?!

So I started watching tv shows - and I'm pretty sure that all of us slaves did it. We just watched seasons - we'd start with episode one and go from there. Wherein I got absolutely HOOKD on some really funny tv. Amusement was key to my lack of explosions on small children - so really, it benifited all.

Except that now...well...I got hooked. On hilarity - which is good - but also on some REALLY AWFUL AWFUL tv shows - some of which are SO BAD that I cannot even name them here. Luckily, those ones have gone - but the decent (erm..half..decent) ones have stuck - and I'm still watching. Hours of endless amusement mean that I spend far too much of my life being a zombie - but a zombie that is laughing so hard she's trying not to pee.

Fair tradeoff if you think about it.

Man - I type a lot.

Point is - it's that time of year when seasons end - which mean - GASP! AH! SIGH! Cliffhangers.

Don't get me wrong - I love me a good cliffhanger. Well, Actually...I don't...because then it means that I have to wait 734108741208 years (Real time: Approximately three months) until I get to find out what happens. So I understand in theory what they're trying to do...and I don't mind..it's all part of the biz (I'm so cool with the lingo)

But here's my bone to pick - Seriously.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE TO DIE.

Why does every ad for every cliffhanger I see involve someone dying, almost dying or some sort of deathly situation. WHY?

I don't like death. It makes me sad. I don't like being sad. When I'm sad I stop what I'm doing and hide.

I don't like when characters I love die.

I don't like when characters I love are sad because people that character loves died.

It's not fun. I don't find it amusing...and I'm getting fed up with it.

Is that all that shocks us anymore? Death? And it can't even be a 'normal' death - but it has to be something so extreme and out of the ordinary that it's unbelievable - that shock, horror and awe sells I suppose...but...there's just something that makes me cringe. That makes me run. That makes me hide...and makes me go and watch How I Met Your Mother - where the worst thing that happens is that, well, it's five years later and he still hasn't met Mrs. Right - Oh well, so sad. We all know that he's going to meet her EVENTUALLY (the kids kinda give it away) and that there will be hilarity and possibly a slapsgiving or two along the way (If you don't get that reference I demand that you go and watch the show starting with season one - NOW.) Or perhaps I'll go and watch The Big Bang Theory - Because man..those nerds are ridiculous and hilarious. Sometimes I'm watching and I will just burst out, full fledged, can't help myself laughing and it's awesome. No one DIES and it's not sad - and guess what - I'M STILL WATCHING.

I'm almost about to veto watching the drama's I'm hooked on.

Except that I need to know that Bailey's okay.

And Pete and Violet just need to kiss and make babies. Again. For real.

*sigh*

My name is Erin - And I'm addicted to WAY too much HORRIBLE television. Eck.

Murphy Strikes Again

After my first run in with Murphy I had a little bit of a bone to pick. So last Thursday I was prepped. I was ready. Murphy was GOING DOWN.

I showed up and it was a beautiful day. It was so beautiful that I was convinced that Murphy had run off, scared, with his tail between his legs.

Cocky Attitude? Mistake number one.

I set up, had everything ready to go and was enjoying the beautiful day.

Just as I was about to admire that it was a much nicer day than the previous week, the black clouds came rumbling in.

And how they rumbled.

But I was like...pshawww...no worries...Murphy pulled this trick last week - He's all cloud and no rain.

More Cocky Attitude? Mistake number two.

As the raindrops started to fall I scrambled for cover. My tables were right near the edge of the tents, and I feared for my precious jam labels safety. I quickly moved my tents out, so that I didn't have to move my tables with tons of glass bottles on it - and I thought I had him fooled.

Just when I was about to pat myself on the back, my words came back to bite me - and suddenly drip drip drip came THROUGH the edges of my two tents that I'd squeezed together, directly onto, yep, you guessed it...my jam labels.

Feeling like a fool, I rigged up the edges so that no drops came through.

My genius was pretty full of itself and was feeling mighty fine and the rest of the market was uneventful. My labels stayed dry, I had some good chats with my farmers market neighbours and ate some somosa's. Mmmmmmm...somosa love.

Thinking that the score was Erin: 2, Murphy: ZERO I was about to do a happy dance as I was taking down my tents.

I shook off the rain water as I was about to take down my tents, lowered one of the legs - and realized that Murphy had somehow held some water back, and as I tried to take down my tent...poured the water DOWN MY BACK.

I finished packing up shivering, cold and wet..and re-evaluated the score to be a tie.

So Murphy - If you're reading this...please know that I've come to grips with the fact that you may possess some powers of awesome...and can make my life...yucky...if you so desire. So please take this as my white flag. I'm throwing in the towel. We're tied, and that's that. Should you decide to pop your head over to this neck of the woods this week, you can be sure that I hold no ill will towards you and am ready to make peace. So if you could bring a bottle or two of sunshine - I'll take that as your peace offering and maybe we can have a nice summer together afterall.

853

Yesterday I was driving down a main street in town. It was a one way street, one that some of my favourite girls from university lived on. I was driving - la de la - when out of the corner of my eye I glanced towards the house where they use to live was.

AND SAW A GIANT HOLE WHERE THE HOUSE SHOULD BE.

The house where we had birthday parties, talked until all hours of the night and danced in. Where the floors slanted that odd sort of way, and the cupboard doors opened on their own. The house that there are so many memories wrapped up in, and even though I'd "said goodbye" to that house years ago, it still choked me up to think that it was gone.

What were they doing? Trying to change the whole street? I thought to myself as I continued driving - first they tear down the crazy ladys house, and then they tear down 853!? How COULD they? Sure - it's true - the floors were definitely anything but level - but that's not a reason to BULLDOZE A HOUSE.

I couldn't help but get a little teary eyed to think about that house being gone - and had to make sure it was really gone - so at the next corner I turned and made my way back up the other one way street. As I sat on the corner waiting to turn I tried to catch a glimpse of the house with my lower lip pouting in a vibrant display of how much change sucks. Then I rounded the corner and a giant tree (that I definitely don't remmber) clouded my view. I pulled over to the side of the road and sighed.

But it was a sigh of relief - as I had pulled right infront of the still-standing, perfectly in tact, slanty floors and all house.

Turns out my peripherial vision SUCKS and I had mistaken the hole where the crazy ladies house was for my beloved 853.

Yeah, I REALLY need to get my eyes checked.

The Rumour Mill

I live in a small town. It's actually smaller than small, but either way..it's tinsey-tiny. There's not a lot to do here. Most people tend to venture into nearby (relatively) larger towns and cities for any sort of entertainment or attraction. Unless you're looking for chinese food (we've got the best - go figure) or you're here in the middle of the summer. Then we're hot stuff. But regularily? When it's not cottage season? Yeah, people are not so excited to be in these parts.

Especially if you're a local and haven't got one of those there fancy bajillion dollar cottages.

That being said - there isn't a lot to do here. We have three restaurants that are seasonally opened, a hardware store, a grocery store and a liquor store. Oh - and we have two convience stores - each that rent out movies. I know, stop the excitment - it's almost too much.

So people get bored. And when people get bored..they talk. And when they talk..rumours fly. And when rumours fly...well...there's usually at least a hint of truth in them.

That being said - I never really realized just HOW fast they fly. When you're in your own little bubble and think that you know what's going on in your life and are keeping it pretty personal - and suddenly EVERYONE KNOWS.

And I mean EVERYONE.

Everywhere I go, I'm asked if it's true.

And oh man - Do I enjoy messing with peoples minds. It's pretty amusing to watch them drooling to be like...CAN YOU CONFIRM THIS RUMOUR!? TELL US THE DETAILS! And then sit and give them little scraps and bits of vague details until they're practically drooling and begging you to just let them know.

I'm a sucker for torture. In the gossip mill sense at least.

When I head off to a farmers market or am doing an errand in town I'm asked. When I got my hair done, when I was talking to some media reps...they're all curious and digging for dirt. Even strangers have taken to asking me what's happening and I'm like...HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS RANDOM INFORMATION ABOUT ME WHEN I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE?! Suddenly when an old relative on my mom's side who lives on the other side of the country (literally) starts inquiring as to whether or not the rumours are true - it's just too funny. How do these rumours spread SO far and SO fast!?

Ah the life of a small town celebrity is so taxing - so many people who want the gossip - so little time.

Bawhaha. Yeah, right.

Small towns amuse me. Especially their gossip mills.

Now if only I could harness this wildfire gossip mill for advertising purposes...I'd be set.

And a bajillionaire.

Okay - back to work on THAT now.

Sucky Sucky Blah

Death sucks.

Plain and simple, it does.

As much as someone may be suffering and in pain..it still just sucks.

Today I'm going to a wake of a man, in his late eighties who had lived a good life. I didn't know him well by any means...I can remember his face from church when I was a little girl, from the markets as he and his wife supported our growing business and our families were old friends. My aunt babysat their kids 50 odd years ago, my grandparents use to go to church functions with them, their kids grew up with my grandparents kids. He was a sweet old man whose presence will be missed.

So I wanted to go to the wake - but I hate wakes. I hate funerals..it's just not how I grieve. I understand that some people need the closure and that time..but I would rather pretend that it never happened in the first place and just pretend that I haven't seen __(fill in the blank)__ for a while. It's my coping mechanism, and probably a terrible one, but so far it works for me.

But I will still go - even though these kinds of things don't suit me. I get far too emotional, stressed out and upset....but I suppose everyone does. Regardless, I will go and hug his wife, who has always been so nice to me and my family. I will go and wish them well, to tell them I'm sorry that they've lost a husband, a father and a grandfather. So even though I hate these kinds of things. I will put my big girl boots on and I will go for them - not for me - because that's what these things are all about afterall. People who love you, respect you and are important in your life coming together to comfort everyone who is left behind to put the pieces of the puzzle of life back together in some sort of sembelance.

When did growing up become so..yucky?

Yawn

I hate mornings. I really do. They're disgusting, and gross and stupid.

Well - at least they are when I don't get enough sleep. Like last night.

Why couldn't I get enough sleep?

Oh you know, I was in bed at a decent (ish) hour. Enough to get me my 8 hours of sleep.

Then as I was drifting off to sleep my body realized that my leg had poked out of the covers. My subconscioius weirdo who freaks out if my legs and feet are not covered by blankets when attempting to sleep jerked me awake and I started the 'falling asleep' process all over again.

Cue me evidentally being restless and this entire scenario happening about 27 million more times.

Then when my alarm went off at 7 so that I could be up at get a start to my day...I totally just pressed snooze until the alarm clock was like 'you obviously don't wanna get up right now, I'm just gonna shut myself off for everyones sake'

Cue me waking up not so long again.

Great start to the day Erin. Great start.

Oh weirdo tendencies that prevent sweet slumber...why must you plauge me so?

Artistic Differences

When I was a child my brother and I sometimes grumbled and complained when we were in the car with my mom. It wasn't the car, a long day or the fact that we hadn't snack that was the issue though. No, the issue was the radio station. Which I get is a common problem with kids. Last year when I was in the car with three kids...I learned how much of an issue it can be. This person doesn't like this song, but it's that persons favourite, but this person NEEDS to listen to their song on a cd and IT CANNOT WAIT OR ELSE THE WORLD WILL END.

Oh how I learned.

But my brother and I didn't fight with each other much about the radio. We were too busy fighting over other things. I joke. Okay, I don't...but we didn't usually fight too much over the radio. This was for a couple of different reasons...but probably because we lived in the boonies and only had reception for like, three radio stations.

There was one station for Country, one for Rock & Roll and the CBC.

In my mom's car though, 99% of the time, it was CBC time. Which meant that my childhood memories of car rides are filled with A LOT of talk radio. And a lot of fighting about talk radio. Because it's booooring. And stoooooopid. And BOOOOOOOOORING.

This usually either resulted in my mother turning up the radio to tune out our whining or turning off the radio so that NO ONE got to listen to ANYTHING.

Her favourite argument though? The infamous "you can listen to what you want when YOU'RE the driver".

Oh and how I memorized that statement and burned it into my brain when it came for me to have my learning permit. The minute she reached for the dial it was "I'M THE DRIVER AND I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT WE LISTEN TO." Which was quickly ammended to "you get to choose WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN CAR".

I didn't drive much before I could drive on my own.

Artistic differences. Literally.

Take That, Murphy

Last Thursday was the first day that I went to a new farmers market in the area.

It was cold.

It was windy.

It was darn cold and darn windy.

I had about 17 layers on. And a skirt.

Luckily, I threw on leggings right before I ran out the door.

That's not really pertinant to this story, but whatever.

The fact that it was windy and cold and cloudy and gross however, that IS pertinant to this particular story.

SO. I was all setting up my booth at the farmers market. My tents, tables and goods that I was selling...no biggie...same sort of thing I've done a couple of times a week since I was a wee lass.

But this was a new market. And Murphy showed up.

You know, Murphy...the sneaky little jerk that comes around when you least expect him to. When you want to see anyones face but his ugly old one.

The one who likes to play a little game called 'would you rather'.

Thursdays game surrounded the question: 'Would you rather have the wind rip through your tents like a maniac or be rained upon?!?!' And instead of just ASKING the question like a normal person...he decided to play chicken with me.

I know, I told you he has a jerk.

So here we were...brand new opening of the market...where Murphy was hoping we'd be like...holy cow it's mighty windy...setting up your tents is dangerous - don't do it!

And most people fell for it - and didn't set up their tents.

I however, being of a particular brand of genius that's just well, plain old awesome...saw through him. And right up to the black clouds that loomed overhead.

So I held my ground...and was one of the few to try to put up my tent. And one of the even fewer who kept their tent up.

Infact, by the time the market was half done...I was the only one stupid crazy awesome enough to still have my tent up.

Becuase you see, I've heard of this Murhpy fella before. Him and his "laws". I knew that if we all took down our tents, it would pour down rain all over me. And all of the new labels I'd put on jams and maple syrup.

Not so cool Murphy. Not so cool at all.

So I held my ground, and despite the whipping wind...I didn't cave.

I added more ropes and tightened them with all of my might and hoped that I, along with my tents, stayed put...because I knew that trickster Murphy - and I knew that if I succombed to taking down my tent...he'd be like...HA! SUCKA! and make those big black threatening clouds rain down on me. And my labels. No one likes rain on labels - so I stuck my tongue out at Murphy and hopped that I didn't follow in Dorthy's footsteps and blow off to Kansas.

You'll be happy to learn that thanks to me holding my ground..it didn't rain. On me, or anyone. I took one for the team (who were all exposed to the elements) and hid under my desperately wanting to fly away but not quite able to fly away canopy.

Erin: 1, Murphy: 0

But it's Thursday again..and if I know Murphy like I think I do...he's bound to be mad as a hatter that he didn't get me last week. ..and you can bet he'll be up to his old tricks again this week...

What particular trick that IS...I'm not sure. But I'm sure by the end of tonight I'll have a better idea....and we'll see where the score lies after round two.

Bring it on Murphy...I'm not scared of you.

La De Da

I had a lovely little chit with my brothers fiance Jenny the other day.

This warrants a few points.

First point? I knoooooow. How the HECK is my LITTLE brother old enough to have a FIANCE? Yeah. I have no idea either.

Second point? I love her. SO MUCH.

A friendly goodmorning turned into my lunch break as we chit chatted the last minutes of the morning away. Chit chatting about the future, the world, friends, life, and everything inbetween.

It just made me so happy to know that my brother has snagged such a lovely gal. Someone who I can chat with, who loves my family, who loves my brother so much and is such an important part of his life...because everyone should have but...but of course the older protective sister in me always wants to believe that her baby brother deserves the best of the best.

It's just nice to have someone who shares similar values and ideas. Who can laugh and talk about something so ridiculous and insignificant and then can just turn around and flip and have a serious conversation with you about this, that or the other thing. Who will play boardgames with you, who will listen to your stories (even if she's heard them 17 times before), and makes REALLY good cookies. Because cookies are awesome. Especially when Jenny makes them.

I love that we can tease each other, we work (and work well) together, that she gets what I'm saying before I've ever said it and always seems to have this happy and cheerful disposition, even when I'm sure she could be anything but. I love that she came with us to South Africa, that she's a part of our family business and that she's not afraid to tease my mom when she does something silly...just like the rest of us.

I'm so excited for them to buy a house, to get married and let me pretend I have a sister (it counts - right?). To have babies that I can spoil (and give back!) who will love me bunches because I'm their crazy fun aunt. Emphasis on the crazy.

They're perfect for each other - and she fits perfectly in our family...and I'm so happy to have her in my life.

Now all I need to work on is finding me a nice boy who fits into our family too.

Yeah. Erm. Ha. Well. 'Bout that...

Have you NOTICED the quality and calibre of guys around here? Makes me kind of nervous just thinking about it. Kind of makes me want to stick to being the crazy aunt. Gimme a few (more) cats, a sister in law and a rocking chair and I'm good.

You know, in the crazy way.

Letter To The Editor

Dear Mother Nature,

I know you're a little touchy about people criticizing you..but...uhh..what. the. heck.

I wrote a little diddy about you in this little corner of the internet a little while ago. Wherein I talked about you mixing up your months. And the possibility of you doing drugs. And other fun things like that.

I know you're getting old - and don't mean to be disrespectful...but I think that it's time that you seek help - because based purely on the fact that I was wearing flip flops in March...well..there are issues. Not that I don't LOVE wearing flip flops in ANY month. But still.

SERIOUSLY though...It's COLD. Crops are freezing to death. Literally. And I'm just a little fed up because, well, I stuck up for you. I was all 'Mother nature doesn't do drugs! That's crazy talk!'...but I'm starting to wondering if maybe you DO have a problem..because holy cow batman...it's freezing again. And it's MAY. MAY!

So really - you have two options. From the way I see it...you either need to go into rehab (but perhaps turn on some heat first?) or get some help at an adult learning centre to help with your reading problems. March has five letters and is generally cold --> warm. May on the other hand has THREE letters and goes from warm --> warmer.

Not negative temperatures.

And no snow. I don't know if you're aware - but it's not supposed to snow in May...like it did this past weekend.

So just a little heads up - Literacy is your friend. Doing drugs that make me freeze when I'm supposed to be warm and make me warm when I'm supposed to be cold is not.

Love Always,

The girl freezing under 363947293 blankets.

Fail

I've been a big old bowl of blogging fail lately.

Yeah. A WHOLE BOWL.

That's a lot. It's like...a bowl.

But to be fair - I've been a whole bowl of fail in regards to a whole bunch of other things too...soooo....it's not you...it's..me?

I don't really have any excuses.

Yeah, I just tried to come up with some...and still..nothing.

Yeah. So on that note.

MONKEYS!

My plan is definitely not to distract you with random words in hopes you forget about my big bunch of life and/or blogging fail. Nope.